There is children who reject dad at some point in its development, especially when mother is present. It is not that they do not want it, or that they are not able to spend great times with their father, but there are cases in which, being both parents present, the child separates the father, does not want to be approached and sticks with despair to mom
Families live this stage with bewilderment and anguish. The father feels isolated and can react with spite, considering that the child is too attached and that the mother overprotects him.
The woman feels split in two, on the one hand she feels the need to respond to the intense need expressed by the child but on the other hand she does not understand her, she is emotionally overwhelmed and grieves for her partner. If the father becomes angry with the child or with her, the woman may feel guilty and end up forcing the child to move away from her, which does not usually have good consequences for anyone.
This stage is a most stage of the development of the child psyche. It should not be experienced as a problem, although intense feelings are combined in the family. Although not all children go through it, you have to be prepared, especially if the father's role in parenting has not been of great implication.
When a baby is small, his universe is his mother. He doesn't even understand the concept of the self, he lives himself as a unique being. The discovery of the mother's own and separate existence can create tension and anguish and cause her to express her disorder in separations or in hardly understandable tantrums.
The child explores his limits and at the same time wishes to be near and far from his mother. At two years many children have a certain regression in their behaviors. They want to get away, explore their own will. Has it never happened to you that the child says no to all options? No no and no. He wants nothing and wants everything, gets angry and cries, squeezes against the mother and at the same time wants to investigate. Learning to say is not a fascinating experience and does not develop in a few days. You have to be patient and respect the process.
Then dad comes into play. The child already expresses and interacts more. The father is increasingly occupying a larger plot in his emotional life. But this clashes with this moment of estrangement and return to the mother, in which the little one is looking for security to make the great leap towards the complete awareness of himself as being independent. So the boy rejects dad firmly and set it aside. And the father must learn to be a pillar of trust and security for his son, through respect and not imposition or anger.
For some reason the parent may be an additional source of conflict if it interferes. Your role should be attentive and loving waiting, but never a presence that is imposed and separates the child at the time of anguish of the mother. Like everything else, it will happen, and knowing how to face it will strengthen in the long run the bond between father and son.
To cope with it there are some things that can be done, although the most effective is usually to wait for the child to adapt. Getting up to the child at times when he is more receptive, not getting angry, being reliable, are effective actions. In practice, propose games in which we are aware of your desire to relate or move away. Fun games or stories that build a common universe of enriching and loving experiences will be the basis on which mutual trust can grow.
Yes the parents do not live together and it is decided that from a certain moment the child can already spend the night with the father, you have to be prepared to understand that you do not want to leave your environment and not have the mother nearby. In these cases the rejection situation It can happen at any age.
The ideal solution does not exist, but if the parents are able to have a cordial relationship, do common activities and delay the overnight stay until the child is happy and receptive it will be a great help.
Parents deserve that we understand their desire to be with their children and their grief when they feel rejection, especially in the case of separated couples. But how do you think the relationship of trust and affection will be better established, respecting the child or imposing rules that make him sad?
Or simply, if you were the child, what would you choose?
