One of the most taboo topics in society is the one related to people's sexuality. Even today we drag the shame and shame that we were instilled in childhood and still today we are still inexperienced when it comes to sex, not because we know or don't know how to make love, but because we don't know how we get to form our sexual being and Not knowing what phase we are in.
The theory of sexuality that we all know most (it is the one that was explained to us in the institute, at least to me), is the one that Freud developed at the end of the 19th century in which he talked about the different phases that children were going through : oral, anal, phallic, latency and genital.
But today we are not going to focus on Freud (if you want to read more you can do it on wikipedia), but on Osho, an Indian spiritual master who explains that sexuality has three phases: the autosexual, the homosexual and the heterosexual, being the passage from one to the other indefinite in time or totally limited since, depending on the environment in which a child grows up, he could reach adulthood while still in the first phase.
The autosexual phase
Young children are narcissistic and selfish. It seems that he is insulting them or that he is highlighting the negative characteristics of children, but nothing is further from reality. They are like that because to survive they have to be that way.
Babies have many basic and other not so basic needs that they alone cannot satisfy (most of them), so they always depend on someone else. In order for this person to meet his needs, the child claims his presence whenever he needs something, which is usually very often. In addition he usually does it without waiting, as if he were the most important person in the world because many times what he needs, he needs it "for now". He cannot and cannot tolerate waiting because he has no idea of time and because he does not know how to manage physical or psychological discomfort, since he has no tools for it. Therefore She is so selfish that she doesn't think about others, but in itself and that is why the world revolves around it, because in that way he knows himself important and will fight to get what he needs to live and survive.
One of the signs of their individuality is the way in which children provide pleasure and consequently emotional stability and tranquility: with the use of his mouth and with the sucking reflex. Babies' mouths are the most sensitive and erogenous area of their body and sucking provides them with everything they don't know otherwise. That's why they like to suck or suck a pacifier, that's why many suck their fingers when they are nervous and that's why many suck their feet and end up sucking so many things.
As they grow they begin to realize that their sexual organs, without knowing what they are, also provide them with pleasure. They begin to touch them, to play with them, to stimulate them actively and passively. I do not have daughters, but many parents of girls comment that they usually sit on their legs to "rub", or have seen them more than once in the armrest of the moving sofa, etc. Children are more direct and simply put their hands through their pants, even when they sleep, to touch and calm down because they all discover that it calms them down and gives them pleasure.
As time passes this phase disappears to give way to the next one, in principle, in a natural and atraumatic way, unless during the autosexual phase adults intervene as it happened with most of us in our childhood: censoring his acts, which have nothing to do with sex as we know it. In that case, if adults censor children, if we tell them not to touch each other, that they should not do so, we begin to condition them, we create a problem where there is none and cause guilt when they do.
Psychological castration
When the fault appears but the boy or girl wants to continue doing it because he enjoys it there is a risk of the first lies appearing because they realize that when they do what their body asks and take advantage of that part of the body that is more sensitive than the rest their parents get angry.
From that moment on, many children will begin to have trouble accepting themselves as a sexual being because a part of their body, which curiously provides joy, does not really deserve to be part of their body. She is "ugly", dad and mom don't want me to touch her and should therefore reject her.
Here begins the psychological castration of the person, who in his inner jurisdiction rejects the vitality, energy and joy of a part that, together with all the others, formed his body as a unit that is no longer such, but a body with an annoying "something" and prohibited.
The child who becomes an adult without changing the sexual phase
Then, from the beginning of the so-called psychological castration many children get stuck there, in the autosexual phase. Phase in which one's pleasure prevails, masturbation, unique enjoyment. It is a natural phase of children that the person would have left behind to move on to the next one in which she is trapped because the parents altered the process.
If a child does not advance, the adult who grows does not develop his sexuality, he will not mature and will not know what a mature sexuality can bring to people.
As Osho explains, most people who get stuck in this phase end up abusing masturbation As a means to get pleasure:
Even making love with a woman or with a man you might not be doing anything other than masturbating each other.
To be continue
Tomorrow we continue with this post commenting on the two phases of the evolution of sexuality that remain to be commented: the homosexual phase and the heterosexual phase.
