One of the most unpleasant memories a child can have is to have heard or witnessed fights between dad and mom. Those people who are there to protect and care for you, are suddenly attacking and talking to the screams. Can you imagine how a child can feel about this? He feels helpless and scared, normal.
And it's not just about making them have a bad time, it goes much further. Discussions between parents leave a mark on children. Not only does it hurt them to see them fight and say ugly things, but that Fighting parents impair their children's ability to recognize and regulate their own emotions.
Fights between parents leave their mark on children
According to a study by the Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development of the University of New York, and published in the scientific journal Development and Psychopathology, aggression between parents negatively shapes children's emotional response. Exposure to verbal and physical aggression among parents alters the child's ability to identify and control their emotions.
The researchers evaluated 1,025 children and their families during a series of home visits from the time the child was two months to almost five years of age. Several questionnaires were made to parents and certain tasks were given to parents and children intended to measure the level of family chaos.
After 58 months the researchers measured the children's ability to recognize and identify emotions correctly and found that greater exposure to physical aggression among parents was associated with a greater difficulty of children to identify emotions.
The longer the exposure to aggression, the greater the children's difficulty in regulating their own emotions of sadness, abandonment and fear, which put them at greater risk of presenting symptoms of anxiety and depression later.
See discuss parents affects the child's ability to manage their emotions And we already know that the development of emotional intelligence, to identify and express what we feel is essential for life.
But who has not ever argued?
Probably all parents have ever discussed, it is normal. And even if we try to control ourselves or do it privately for not hurting our children, we are often unable to stop the momentum.
But let's put ourselves for a minute in the place of the child who feels threatened. Fights between parents greatly affect children, which for us can be just a heated exchange of opinions, they can see it as a catastrophe. Children fantasize, can draw wrong conclusions and feel even more baffled. What will happen now if dad and mom fight? Are they going to separate? What will happen to me? They may even feel guilty if they discuss something related to them.
Who among you has not felt a knot in the stomach when in the middle of an argument your son tells you with a scary face, "Please, don't argue anymore"? And you realize the error.
While there are those who believe that arguing in front of children is not something that should always be avoided, because it can even teach them to manage conflicts, one thing is an argument, an exchange of opinions, and another very different to attack or insult.
After the storm, reassure them
Although we can at some point get out of control and fight with our partner in front of the children, it is important then reassure them.
Communication with our children is the most valuable resource we have. Therefore, if it has been a passing discussion we can explain calmly that sometimes dad and mom get angry but that does not mean they stop loving or loving him. Apologizing for the bad time would not hurt.
If the situation at home is already chaotic and the discussions have become common currency, perhaps it is convenient to seek the help of a specialist, for the family good and, above all, for that of the children.
