Sometimes children see us coming out of the shower. Sometimes they enter our bedroom while we dress. There are parents who walk without clothes without major concern. Do youIt is bad for children to see their parents naked? Is there an age limit? Naturalness and communication are the keys to address this issue and that not only is not negative, but that it becomes a positive learning opportunity for them.
(Note: Although perhaps it should not be necessary to do so, I think it is not necessary to point out that in this article we talk about nakedness naturally, not about exhibitionism, not about anything that involves a sexual nuance. We talked about your son seeing you naked, while dressing or on a nude beach, without more.)
No taboos, no traumas
“Nothing happens because he sees us naked”, “Ah, no, that never, a child should not see his parents, if not confused”… There are many and very mixed opinions about nakedness before children, but the reality is that, taken naturally, it does not have the biggest problem.
For those who defend the trauma or confusion that can cause the children to see us naked, there is something important that they have to take into account: we have to start from that nudity for children does not have the sexual component It has for adults. Nudity for them is not eroticism: it is just dad or mom without clothes.
Also, and this is another idea that we should banish, if they see us naked we are not inciting sex. Nudity is most natural for them, in fact there are many children who love to go "in balls" at home, because they are at ease, without more. So if they see you coming out of the shower, no, nothing happens.
A key learning moment
Children, in their affective-sexual development, are going to ask us questions, they will be curious about their body first, and that of others later. Are we going to also refuse to talk about it? No, that is not the best way for its healthy development.
If your son has ever seen you naked, it is very likely that he has made a comment like “Mom, why are your tits hanging so much?" How nice they are!
As much as we want the earth to swallow us at that moment or a cream that definitely makes the breasts retake the firmness of 20 years, the reality is that It is a wonderful opportunity to talk about bodies, changes, differences, acceptance and limits and respect.
On the other hand, the models to which children are going to be exposed usually dislike much of what we actually find, so that we offer a counterpoint, a real modelIt can be important.
Why allow that they see us naked does not mean that everything goesOn the contrary, as I said it is a wonderful opportunity to talk precisely about intimacy or respect, as I said.
You can explain that there are times when you do not feel like seeing you naked, that there are certain things that you prefer to do alone, in privacy ... These notions will be key to your self-esteem and for something very important: prevent, as far as possible sexual abuse (No one can touch or see my body if I don't want to).
Check what messages you throw about it
Yes, tell you that you have the culete The world's largest entrance does not feel like turning that moment into a learning moment, really. But since parents are experts in taking the vicissitudes of fatherhood with humor, laughter is our ally.
Sometimes we don't realize what we say about naked or directly what do we tell them when they see us naked, and this marks the children almost as much or more than the fact that they have seen us With zero clothes.
If our verbalizations (what we say) are negative, if we throw them out of the bathroom or bedroom, nervous, to the cry of “I'm naked!”They understand: 1) that they have done something wrong (and it isn't, right?) And 2) that nudity is something that makes adults nervous, so something happens with that, as I explained before.
If what we want is that see their own body from respect and naturalness let's try to explain things in the same terms:Honey, I'm going to get dressed, do you mind leaving the room while I do it? It's something I prefer to do alone, do you understand?”And it is, without more importance, without more drama.
Is there an age limit?
The limit is set by you, the child and you: When one of the two stops feeling comfortable, the time has come change.
For many parents, the proximity to puberty can mark the moment, because they feel that their children are no longer so small, because their maturity has reached a new stage. A change in the way of looking is for some parents the signal that the time has come.
For its part, there will come a day when it is they who, for example, put limits on us in terms of their nakedness and intimacy. There are children who develop modesty before and others later, some from 6 years old and others begin to want privacy when puberty knocks on their door and discover the benefits of bathing alone.
The key here is to always address the issue naturally, talking about it as we talk about other issues, because if not, we are giving it an importance, an aura of “something happens here” that will modulate the notion that the kids are creating about the body .
The most frequent thing is that one day your child arrives and, in the same way that on other occasions he has asked you to do other things alone, he tells you that he is ashamed and that “do not look” or close the door.
Definitely, he even when It is marked more by the child and / or family ideas and principles than for psychology. Of course, I insist, having good communication with the child, dealing with these issues normally, it is important.
Nudity is a sensitive issue that often leads to thick and sometimes even malicious debates, discussions in which parents are pointed with the accusing finger, suggesting that they do something dirty. But as I always say, we have that dirt for adults, not for children: fortunately, children are something they don't bring as standard.
Let's be natural, like them, let's look with the clean look that our children have and stop messing up and perverting everyday situations that have no harm to them.
Let's take advantage of their curiosity to tell them about their body, to teach them that nobody should look at them if they don't want to, that nobody should touch them if they don't want to, that his body is his, which is wonderful as it is now ... and as it will be in 40 years, when things are a little less smooth.
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