The arrival of a child means having less time for oneself and for the couple. You have to do real stunts to combine work schedules with nursery or school, especially if you don't have a family nearby. And that, in the end, It makes parents feel exhausted and our relationship is suffered.
This is what a study by Sitly, an international platform that brings families with nannies in nine countries around the world, reflects. According to the survey, 33 percent of Spanish parents and 34 percent of Italians say they are constantly stressed.
Because fatherhood is wonderful, but also exhausting. Or at least that is what most parents think.
In Babies and more Real motherhood vs. idealized motherhood Sitly explains that "science has confirmed that taking care of children is more tiring than going to work" and adds a universal truth: "After the arrival of a child, couples say they have less time for themselves."
What sets us apart from other European parents?
This reality should be common to parents around the world. So, do Spaniards manage paternity worse?
The study ensures that there are compelling reasons for 'our greatest exhaustion' and are based on conciliation facilities.
In Spain
Most mothers have to return to work four months after giving birth, which means leaving the baby in the care of strangers or with grandparents, if they are nearby.
In Babies and more Reconciliation of work and family life: a long way to goAnd despite the extension of the paternity leave to five weeks, parents suffer significant dilemmas when they return to work after the birth of their children thinking who will take care of them. According to this international study:
- 52% of Spanish parents say they thought about reducing their working hours Not finding an option to take care of children, adapted to their needs.
This situation of lack of conciliation worsens on vacation. According to the European Information Network on Eurydice Education, Spanish students have between 10 and 11 weeks of summer vacations, which puts us almost at the head of Europe.
43% would have preferred to request a leave of absence, if he had the possibility, to be with his children. "
65% of respondents would never give up their professional career by having children.
In northern Europe
Governments offer clear measures to support families so they can reconcile work and family life. In fact, in Norway (for example) The parents have 112 days of paternity leave.
Hence, this country has one of the highest birth rates in Europe and yet, Only 11% of parents say they are stressed.
They are followed by parents in Finland, with 22% of couples who claim to feel more stress since they have children, and those in Denmark, with 28%.
The couple, very affected with the birth of children
That is another of the important conclusions drawn from this study conducted internationally and that can generate more stress points.
Social and personal life suffers from being parents: Night departures are scarcer and stop being spontaneous, since they have to be planned in advance.
That explains that 52% of Spanish parents go out less at night after the arrival of the first child. The Dutch follow with 48%, the Italians and Norwegians also complain about this aspect, both with 47%.
Although the most reluctant to go out at night are the Finnish parents: almost eight out of ten say they have less desire to leave on weekends since they have had children.
All parents agree that they are much more tired since they have children and they regret not being able to devote more time to their partner. Have a romantic dinner or finding opportunities for sexual intimacy is more complex with children at home.
That causes 37% of Spanish parents say their relationship has worsened after having children.
Even 16 percent of them admit that they sometimes envy couples who don't have children.
Do not try to 'get to everything' and ask for help
Patricia Adam, director of communication for Sitly in Spain, points out the feeling of guilt among parents, but more specifically among mothers, as one of the causes of lack of time as a couple:
"It seems that a babysitter should only be hired to cover the absence of parents during work hours, but not to enjoy leisure time. Parents still have a hard time calling a babysitter to go out on the weekend."
And he explains that he talks about guilt because:
"Most Spanish parents understand that, as is the situation from Monday to Friday, they do not spend enough time with their children. Hence, when the weekend comes, the last thing they think is to leave them in the care of another person again. "
However, this does not happen in northern European countries, Patricia explains:
"Leisure time, and as a couple, is beneficial and fundamental for the parents themselves and for the children."It is necessary to take care of the couple and the individual identity of each father and mother having space for themselves. If parents are happy, their children will be happy too.
Patricia Adam wants to end with an idea that I share:
"A stressed father or mother who wants to get to everything, do it all, not go out the weekend without his children because he feels guilty, you can hardly transmit peace and joy to your children later".
Therefore, nothing happens to ask for external help for the care of children, and it is even healthy, according to the communication director of the sitter search platform Sitly.
"Hiring outside help lightens the mental burden of parents and allows them to have more quality time with their children."
Although more and more families are looking for a babysitter or babysitter in Spain (about 30,000 monthly on our platform), in most cases they are for work schedules, not for leisure time. That is the concept that I think should be changed in this country, because parents should not feel the burden of guilt. "
Photos | iStock
