A few days ago I was discussing with a friend the subject of couple problems when they have children. As she explained to me, at the time of becoming pregnant she was told: "Now is when you will begin to have tensions and discussions with your husband." She, she told me, denied that could happen ... and yet it happened.
In my personal case I can assure you that with my first child I did not appreciate any change in the relationship, but with the second one there have been more reasons for discussion.
Normally it is about specific moments when we are overwhelmed, we do not get there where we want to arrive (or where the couple wants us to arrive) and / or we live with an almost constant physical fatigue and accumulated fruit of seeing us at home with a totally dependent creature that we It needs 24 hours a day and we are not used to it.
Stress
We all know what this word is, what it implies and where it is located. For some time now the word "stress" is in all pools. When someone talks about an increase in diseases, an increase in child abuse, an increase in infertility, an increase in ... stress always appears as an element of causation.
As well, in the relationship of the couple and in the relationship with the children, stress is an element that totally influences.
I know it is easy to say, but when someone is in a stressful situation (that is, near their limit) any drop helps to fill the glass and the burst is usually harmful to everyone, so we should try to eliminate stress as much as it was possible of our lives.
Personal dissatisfaction
Raising a child involves somehow turning our lives, our experiences and our experiences into it, or what is the same, a child needs his parents to be trained to meet his needs and have theirs more or less satisfied.
By this I mean that parents should be in a more or less optimal moment of maturity to be able to spend as much time as possible with their children without the need to constantly look for elements or moments that satisfy them.
This situation of maturity is, today, quite difficult to achieve. We drag many a level of self-esteem regulín-regulán, a work that perhaps does not motivate, little free time to enjoy life and a cult of materialism too high (and surely there are more factors) that make many still have many unmet needs and that part of the time we should devote to our children (The English are on average 12 minutes a day with them) let's dedicate it to ourselves.
In a couple that must take care of a child, the time that each one requests for themselves is usually a matter of discussion, as there are many things to do and all this must inevitably be subtracted from free time.
The children, of course, end up paying the duck, both for the arguments and for the little time they spend with their parents.
Domestic work
The house does not clean itself, nor does the clothes leave the washing machine to finish ironing in the closet without some hands in between, but the children do not raise themselves either and the bread does not reach the table without someone to bring it. All the set of tasks and responsibilities often make four hands insufficient (or at least we think so).
You arrive tired from work and the day continues because you have to pick up the dishwasher, iron the clothes, bathe the children, prepare dinner, put on pajamas, dine, collect the kitchen, put washing machines, ...
This causes the level of stress (which we have already said is usually very high) to increase even more and the possibilities of discussion multiply.
Tolerance threshold
There is no measure of tolerance to stress, fatigue or other factors that affect our mood, but I have the feeling that formerly the parents endured the envies more (or maybe there are now more posts than then).
Each person has their personal tolerance threshold and their particular level of patience that is also affected according to the experiences of that day or a particular season.
If we endure less, for whatever reason, it means that we "explode" more, and if this happens, the discussions that would not normally occur end up happening.
Summarizing
Where I want to get is the point where we all as parents or as future parents stop for a moment and instead of looking around we take a look inside to see who we are and who we want to be, where we are and where we want to reach.
This reflection can help us to value our current life, our relationship and our attitude towards our children and evaluate the possible problems that we can find to give them a solution and avoid very annoying discussions for everyone.
