Sex when we have children? "Little and when you can" is perhaps the most common response among fathers and mothers. "Between little and nothing," some would say. The overall feeling is that sex after the arrival of children worsens in quantity and quality. But it doesn't really have to be that way, because well raised, sex after children can be even better than before, and we mean it.
In Babies and more When and where we have sex parents: parents tell us their favorite moments and placesBefore sex was better
The feeling of many fathers and mothers is that before the arrival of the children the sex was “great”, relaxed, intense… In general we tend to remember that “diaper and tantrum free” sex as:
- Spontaneous: "We did it when we wanted to", and now ...
- And fiery: “Before, everything was more passionate”, “She wanted more” (this change in the level of desire in women after motherhood is one of the main reasons for consultation in this area, but I must say no to all it happens to them, and that there are couples in which it is he who has seen his desire to descend).
And of course, when it's time to pick up the children from school, then go to extracurriculars, prepare dinners, bath, pajamas, “I don't want to sleep, it's still daytime!”, “Come on, I'll read you a story”… and all those things that fatherhood implies (which is wonderful, let's not demonize it either), that of spontaneous and fiery ... like it doesn't happen.
That's when we perceive that our sex life has gone to less, to worse, and ... that doesn't cool!
In Babies and more Letter to you that you have just been a dad, but you are also a coupleWhat is good sex?
The prevailing sexual model, the socially accepted one, the one that comes to us from the cinema, from the TV - and from our brother-in-law in family barbecues - sells us the idea that real sex, the good one, must be, as I said before , passionate and spontaneous.
That is to say, we have the idea that a sexual encounter "in conditions" is that in which we "catch ourselves by band" in the elevator "because we are so eager that we cannot wait to get home."
In Babies and more Sexual fantasies during pregnancy: yes, they exist and are healthyWe think that sex "10" has to be spontaneous, as if desire were something that floats in the environment and that, at all we get confused, it hits us and leads us to suffocate us drunk with passion. But the desire must be pampered, kept alive to make us put a thousand ...
And sex, sex is more than all that: yes, it is intercourse, it is masturbation (separately or together), it is touching, smelling, tasting ... Sex is many things, in many ways, so to think that "there is a real sex" and the rest are substitutes or "preliminary ones to go through" leads us to lose sources of pleasure, and that is a shame.
No, it was neither so passionate nor so fiery ... nor need it
We thought that was the case, but if you stop to think about it a bit ... did you really do it "so often"? Was it really so spontaneous, so fiery? Probably not.
It was done when you could and how you could, no more no less! When you were dating and you didn't live together, you had to stay, and you knew what you were going to do, which made you spontaneous and frequent, and it wasn't bad, right?
In fact, didn't you come to your appointment with tremendous desire because you knew what was going to happen? Well, that (wink, wink).
Sex after being parents may be better than before
Spontaneous vs. Scheduled
Yes, passionate and spontaneous sex is great, "it is very rich", but it is not the only or the best. In fact that kind of sexuality is more like fast food, to something that consumes quickly but leaves a satisfaction ... say, relative.
When we have children, that spontaneity is more difficult - and the fear of being caught makes us shrink ... the soul - right?
But this may seem like a handicap It is actually a good thing, because the prepared sex, that which occurs because we have stayed, after a date of boyfriends or having sought, together, the moment, feel great to our desire ...
And besides, being necessary to find a place for it and having stayed, we make sure we have sex! Nothing to "see if it happens", we know it will happen!
Schedule an appointment "dating", stay "to give us a massage with a happy ending ”is not something negative as we can think. On the contrary, it can make it much better.
When you know that you are going to go to your favorite restaurant, when you know that you have a plan of those that is cool, are you not already enjoying in advance knowing what awaits you? Well, that is "gustito"!
The sexual desire, which is what leads us to have more or less excitement, to have more or less desire, is something we must feed, it is not there "because yes" ad eternum And a way to achieve that our wish is fit It is precisely thinking about it, anticipating ...
If we already know that we have stayed to have an encounter, we will surely spend the day thinking about what we are going to do (or what we are going to do), and that anticipation increases desire.
In Babies and more Mothers are too tired to have sex, according to a study that reveals nothing newWeighing in sex instead of what they can catch us, in the washing machines that have to be put in or in the dream that I have is a guarantee of desire and pleasure. ¡Ole!
On the other hand, programming helps us ensure that we have sex, because if we leave it to destiny we will never be able to do it now that we are parents!
Innovation
Precisely because the circumstances of our life have changed and in our house we no longer live alone, if we want to have sex, and at ease, we will have to use the imagination and get creative to find the time to do it. Well, the time and place, of course.
These changes are actually innovation, and can be the fresh air that our relationship needs to put the batteries back on, so that the flame is "butt".
Maybe before you become a father you will not consider certain things, but now that you have to change the location, now that you know that the time you have to take advantage of it, now that you know each other better ... it will be easier for you leave your sexual comfort zone and search and try ...
Although it seems that no, paternity serves to pulverize the sexual routine if we propose it.
In Babies and more We are parents, but also a couple: how to keep love alive when we have childrenThe (good) sex of parents
- Banish the idea that real sex is spontaneous and ultra fiery: Real sex is what gives you pleasure ... and for that you have to do it!
- Schedule dating: what I usually propose "to my partners" is that they have at least one date of boyfriends of at least two hours a week. It is something perfectly acceptable: the week has 168 hours, can you really not find two for you?
- Keep the flame alive: as at home "little beings" walk around who find out everything we can not walk by saying "little green things" freely, but we have the whatsapp, we can leave a note "rise in tone" somewhere where we know that they will not access the kids ... Long live creativity! Of course, make sure you send the message to the right person, because your mother-in-law can hallucinate if she reads or sees some things.
- Have a snack: since it is more difficult for it to be spontaneous, what we can do is go "picking something", a knock here, a furtive kiss over there ... That will mean that when we can really get into the matter, we want to fuck ourselves.
- Here I catch you, here I kill you: we will not always be able to spend three hours at our sexual encounter (in fact having children we have it complicated) so that "to keep the machinery of desire greased" the "quickies" give vidilla. For example you can shower together when children fall asleep: hygiene and passion at the same time, live! And hey, the day we can spend more time because we have a boyfriend date, well, great!
Yes, in sex when we have children, infrastructure and logistics can change, but that doesn't make it worse sex.
Turn the situation around, what now seems like a handicap turn it into an "adventure", a way to be more creative, and you will see how you enjoy a lot, because if there is something that fuels desire, and therefore excitement, it is pulverize the monotony, so ... get creative!
Photos: Pexels.com
