There are those who are parents by chance, without having planned it. Who has children because they both want to be parents and consciously prepare for it. And between these two possibilities, there will be as many reasons as people. However, when a couple considers being parents before, it would be advisable to talk about the most problematic or complicated issues of raising a child. So this is my advice, feel your partner and say: Honey, before we become parents, let's clarify some important issues.
Of course, each person will have different opinions and desires, and I always think it would be positive that, in addition to the desire to have children, they could clarify their doubts and reach some agreements before becoming parents.
We cannot have everything planned in life and also, when the children arrive our entire universe changes and it is those experiences that will also change our positions. But, I repeat, yes before becoming parents we ask ourselves the important questions, we investigate and get to common position and prepare, it will be all easier.
Do we sign a prior agreement?
I know it may seem a bit cold, but the friends I have (men and women) who have gone through painful separations or have lost the chance to see their children as much as they would like to say would be a very suitable formula: the previous paternity agreement. Is it something desirable, another example of conscious motherhood and fatherhood?
When we are in love, everything is pink, but if things get twisted, battles, blackmails and sufferings come. Of course, love could also make us accept things that later, if the couple turns out not to be as we expected, let's think it was better not to accept previously because you don't know what will happen next.
That we already know that love is blind and blind. In addition, in my experience, emotions and feelings, and even the way of seeing parenting, can change a lot when the child arrives (although that we will try to avoid talking before the controversial issues as I propose in this post).
In a paternity agreement it should be clarified how custody would remain in case of separation, the usufruct of the house if there is one and the pensions, if they had to be paid. In any case, despite being a free agreement, if there are then adverse circumstances that make it unwise to maintain the previous agreement (abuse or addiction problems), work should be done so that it is not effective, of course.
But if things were fairly clear before maybe there would be fewer problems, although I really do not think so.
The truth is that, when some people tell me about the tragedies experienced in the separations (reiterator, men and women) and the pain of the children, both for being separated from a parent they need and for having to maintain contact with those who do not He deserves or takes good care of them, I think that children should perhaps have them with whom we chose as a good father or mother, and not with whom he made us lose our minds.
I know it's a bit utopian, and the ideal is to combine both. Loving a person is wonderful and having children with her too, but maybe first we should be sure that he will be the best possible father or mother or as close as possible to our idea of good fatherhood.
During pregnancy
During pregnancy there are physical and emotional changes, more noticeable in women, but equally real in men. And those changes are also important issues to talk about before becoming parents.
Women, in pregnancy, many times, we feel more vulnerable, tired and in need of understanding, even when hormones, exhaustion or fears, nausea or mood swings make us act differently. The couple should know these changes to be able to accompany them. It is not a disease, but it deserves respect and care, not indifference and bad responses. Is it clear?
Men can also feel worries and, because of their education, they may feel paralyzed and unable to express their emotions: fear of not being good parents, fear of the great change that is coming, physical sensations that even baffle them. Having previously understood that this will happen will help both of them cope with it from communication.
In the most practical issues they will find that they must make decisions about the type of care the pregnant woman will receive, the controls that are necessary, the tests they will be doing (for example, a possible amniocentésis) and the decision they would make if The child comes with serious problems or malformations.
They must also decide if they are going to hire a doula or if they want to take other courses such as prenatal singing, hypnotherapy or prenatal yoga.
Currently, almost all couples decide that it is the man (or the couple, if any) that accompanies the pregnant woman to pre-school classes, ultrasound exams and, of course, childbirth. And we will talk about childbirth in the second part of this post, which I hope will inspire you to a few deep talks with your partners. And you will tell me what they tell you when you arrive with: Honey, before we become parents, let's clarify some important issues.
