I confess that the first time I heard about "method" for the baby to sleep I was quite surprised. I could not understand how someone intended to establish guidelines to achieve a baby's dream, as if it were a method to make plants grow quickly or learn a language in two weeks.
The most surprising thing is that this person had not even had his baby and had already read Estivill because someone had told him it was a bedside book for future parents. I, who was not a mother, now I am so glad to have followed my instinct and not bought any "method" ...
I have not read Estivill, Ferber, Sears, Carlos González, Tracy Hogg or Mª Luisa Ferrerós in their attempts to help parents with the theme of childhood dreams.
You might think it's because I didn't need it, because my daughters are quite sleepy. Who knows if perhaps the desperation to not achieve my own rest would have thrown me into reading one of those parenting gurus, maybe, but, if I'm honest, I don't see myself.
Bad nights I've had a few, like everyone else, and in those cases "The method" has been the same: patience, patience and more kilos of patience. If the child does not sleep, it can be for a thousand and one reasons, and if he cries we are in the same case.
The only way I know, without having read those books that arise from the oblivion of instinct, is to accompany our babies trying to keep calm and calm them, transmitting our attention, interest and affection.
There is no "method" because every baby, every parent and every night is different
If a method worked with babies we would be before baby robots and clone parents. But neither the children, nor the parents, nor the circumstances of each night are the same, that is why a method will not help me. "The formula" is what works for you once, but don't get your hopes up because it can fail the next night.
There are many reasons to attend to the crying of the baby: to calm him, to mitigate his fear or pain, to give him confidence ... By quenching his hunger or thirst, calming the pain, entertaining them, calming them down, changing their posture, diaper, clothes, singing, sweeping them, looking out the window with them, listening to music, a story, the hair dryer ... the child may calm down and fall asleep. Not immediately, probably.
And if those attempts to calm the baby lengthen in time, can this concern, interest and affection for the child end? Can you reach the extreme of despair and abandonment? They are our children, I want to think not. What can end is patience and we may turn our nerves in the child, which will only make the situation worse.
Therefore we must seek help when necessary, ask the couple to relieve us, after wear in any situation we do not work the same, and if they have spent many hours without resting we will be at the limit of our forces.
It is not about methods but common sense for the child to sleep; some nights we will work a "trick" or other nights not. The tricks that work with one child do not work with another. And there may not be a trick that is worth it, and that the child does not sleep, neither is it nor many other nights. Therefore, what has been said, patience.
It may take two months, two years or four, in the end the child will sleep alone, but he may still wake up, it is normal, and he will still need us because we are his reference, his livelihood.
Methods for everything, where is common sense?
Someone of you once told me that we were wrong if we needed a guide to teach us to treat our children well. I think the same about this case: we are going wrong if we need a “method” for children to sleep.
Will the following be methods to eat, or not to pee in bed? Ah, no, sorry, that already exists ... A shame not to let children grow and mature at their own pace, not to understand their needs regarding adults, their particularities that make them precious and unique.
To all those parents who have sought help in these methods, I do not blame them because they are not the ones who thought they had a problem or that there was something "abnormal" that the child does not sleep like the elders. This is what this society has been accustoming us for a few decades: that after having a child you can continue as before, when that is not the case. Fortunately.
And if I can sell books and give lectures by offering "magic formulas" to the people who demand them, the better.
There is no magic formula for all children, we can only accompany them respectfully on their sleepless nights, which of course are not intended to "annoy us." We have to understand that a baby wakes up at night is not only normal, but healthy.
And I, to those future parents who have heard that they cannot pass without the book of this or that author, I would tell them to stop methods for the child to sleep and listen to his instinct. That children sleep more or less and we cannot train them in it.
Photos | Augustudios and Owlpacino on Flickr
In Babies and more | When do babies sleep all night? What Dr. Estivill should explain (if I were sincere), The ten most controversial parenting practices: sleeping methods
