Childhood fears are normal and necessary, and are part of the child's evolutionary process. As it grows, its first fears will disappear and give rise to other regulars at every stage in life.
But it is important that parents know how fear evolves in children, as well as the warning signs that could indicate that something is happening, or that we are faced with a phobia and not an evolutionary fear.
We have spoken with Ana Asensio, a doctor in Neuroscience, a child psychologist and author of Lives in Positive. From your training and experience, these are the tips and explanations you have given us to identify and treat fears and phobias in children.
Fear and phobia: are they the same?
Ana Asensio explains that fear and phobia are different, and as such, they have different physiological manifestations. Although many people tend to use both concepts interchangeably, it is important to know the differences to know how to treat it.
In Babies and more How to help your young child manage his emotions Characteristics of fear in children
Fear is a primary emotion with which we are all born. It is good, healthy and necessary to feel fear, because it is a normal response to the perception of danger, which makes us alert to certain situations.
Physiologically, fear accelerates our hearts, cuts our breath and keeps us alert. Colloquially we usually say that we are done "a lump in the stomach or throat", and can be accompanied by other sensations such as tingling, sweating, sphincter relaxation ...
Fear is a sensation with which one can live, because It is easy to handle and self-regulate.
Fear is evolutionary and It changes over the years.
For example: If our son is afraid of dogs, crossing one on the street will be alert, he will shake hands and may ask us to move away a little. But when the dog has passed, its alertness will come back down.
Characteristics of phobia in children
Phobia is a psychological disorder in which there is an intense fear or anxiety about concrete things or situations.
The physiological response of the phobia is similar to that of fear but much more intense, and does not correspond to the real situation that is lived.
Before a phobia, the child will feel that the situation overcomes or incapacitates him, reaching to alter his life (changes, avoidance ...) and, therefore, increasing the symptomatology. It is because of that phobias should be treated by a professional.
We say that there is phobia when this irrational fear occurs for at least six months.
For example: if our son has a phobia of dogs, he will avoid crossing with one and go to the house of friends who have dogs. In case we meet a dog in the street, your response will be an escape or emotional lack of control with a disproportionate intensity.
How to detect if our child has fear or phobia
As we just saw, fear is an emotion that the baby presents since birth. It manifests with crying, tantrums, nightmares, difficulty going to sleep, behavioral changes when entering some places without seeing apparent reason ... As the child grows and can put words to his emotions, it will be easier to know his fears and being able to help you.
On the contrary, phobias are psychological and usually appear around two or three years, after an experience that has frightened them a lot previously. For example, if they have seen a member of their family altered by something, or if a particular experience has frightened them especially (a person in disguise, a movie, a nightmare, news of current affairs ...).
In Babies and more Nightmares, anger, fears: how the news of the attack can affect a child and how to help him "If our child has fears or phobias, it is important to take care of him, give him space and time, encourage him to talk about what he feels and support him from our own security and trust, "advises Ana Asensio.The main fears in childhood and adolescence
0-6 months: The main fear of babies at this age is feeling alone or abandoned. There is also usually fear of loud noises or unpleasant physical sensations.
6-12 months: The baby begins to miss other people and clearly expresses his fear through crying when he sees people he doesn't know. The anxiety of separation also begins.
12-36 months: to the fears described above, others may appear such as fear of darkness, night terrors and nightmares, fear of separating from their parents, fear of monsters or villains, fear of dogs ...
At this age it is also frequent to "fiction" and that this produces fear. For example, children that where there are shadows see monsters, or where there is darkness imagine a well that will swallow them.
In Babies and more My son is afraid to poop: why it happens and how you can help him3-6 years old: fear of going to the doctor, injections, unknown places, the first days of school, fear of costumes, certain decorations or festivities, fear of the death of loved ones ...
6-12 years old: fear of being alone, of not having friends, of wounds, of feeling pain, fear of insects, strangers, fear of going to the dentist, thieves ...
Adolescence: fear of exams, failure, criticism and not liking, to make a fool of yourself, to the rejection of the group, to run out of friends, to death ...
Fears decrease, disappear or evolve as the child has more maturity and cognitive ability. In any case, and as we have said, fear is something that will accompany us throughout our lives.
The phobias not only do not disappear but also intensify, altering the life of the person who suffers them, so it is necessary to seek specialized help.
Tips to treat fear in children
If our child is afraid of a specific situation, Parents can help you with respect, empathy and communication. These are the advice given by Ana Asensio to treat childhood fears:
In Babies and more Why you should stop telling your children "nothing happens" when they cry Help him recognize the feelings of fear, verbalizing what you feel and asking for help when you need it. In addition, it is important that we explain that fear is something normal that we all feel.
When fear appears, we can help you through the sensation activation, such as making him aware of his breathing, or encouraging him to put his hand on his chest and noticing how the heart calms down.
He physical contact through kisses and hugs It is essential to provide security to the child who is feeling fear.
When the physiological activation goes down we can talk about what has happened, but then it is important to resume the activity that was being done at that time (sleep, ride a bike, go to the doctor's office ...). Returning to normal will make them feel that they can overcome their fears and that they do not become irrational.
There is resources we can rely on to talk about fear in childhood, such as stories that show situations experienced by other children of the same age. We can also give you examples that we know about stories of overcoming, or experiences that we ourselves have had and how we have overcome them. Because to confront fear, trust and courage are important.
When is it necessary to consult with a professional?
But if despite implementing the above-mentioned advice, we begin to detect that the fear of our children becomes exaggerated and begins to become phobia, it is important Consult with a professional who gives us advice on how to act in these situations:
"If our child begins to come to bed every night to sleep, if he begins to avoid social situations for no apparent reason, if he starts sleeping or eating badly, or if he explodes in tantrums without us knowing what happens, we should consult with a professional "
In Babies and more Children's infantism: when suddenly the child stops talking "It is also advisable to consult with the expert if before the first fears of our children, we have doubts about how to treat them. And it is also advisable to seek advice for educate on how to live with fear, in order to help them from an early age or in adolescence to understand our inner world. "
"And finally, I advise that if we as adults have fears or phobias, we also consult with the professional. Not only for our benefit (learn to recognize it, be aware of it and find a way to overcome it), but also for the benefit of our children. "
Acknowledgments | Ana Asensio, Positive Lives
