I always like to convey the enormous importance that our children grow up feeling happy, valued and with healthy self-esteem. And there are some simple and accessible keys to anyone who will certainly help them a lot. That's why today I will tell you two things parents of happy children do.
They know how to set limits for their children
Children need to grow up in a safe environment in every way. Only in a safe and reliable environment can they exercise their freedom, discover that they have the right to be respected, develop their abilities and find a way to interact with other people in a respectful way too. This These are the limits that parents must set.
Limits are not arbitrary rules let alone impose on children things that really harm their needs. The limits are part of life, they are natural as a concept, although they also have many cultural aspects that our children will understand if we accompany them by putting them at the center of the equation.
The basic and non-negotiable limits they are not harming themselves, not harming others and also, very importantly, not harming ourselves. When we want to mark that a behavior is not appropriate and is not accepted in our family, we must be very clear and try to limit ourselves in the imposition of these norms so that they really respond to those premises. And you have to be able to negotiate what is not non-negotiable, because it is part of your learning as well. But we must not educate children without limits because we are afraid of authoritarianism or we understand, erroneously, that the child will discover everything by himself. They need us insurance.
This may make it necessary for us not to allow certain ways to express anger or frustration, such as when they beat their siblings or harm the pet. In these cases, a very clear limit must be set, without the need to violate or punish the child, but preventing the action and explaining the reasons for doing so, helping the child to understand and name their emotions and offering support and other ways of channeling.
It may also be necessary that let's take responsibility to avoid exploratory risk behaviorsThe reality, then, is that children do not have all the data we have of the physical or psychological danger of behaviors.
But, attention, we can't be saying "no" to everything. We cannot pretend that a child understands all cultural customs or our own needs for comfort or order. Children need few limits, logical and clear.
But they also need to be children and that implies that we are going to have to let them play, run, jump, stain, explore and even test if the limits we set are really unquestionable. When they discuss a limit they do not challenge us, they are learning, so we must be assertive, understanding and patient with them.
We have to set the right limits, not to have them locked in glass cages so that they do not bother either at home or in school. Children are children and need to move a lot and feel heard in their desires.
The less limits and standards we set, the easier it will be to comply with them. The more natural and beneficial for their evolutionary development, those limits are safer, the child will feel and first understand that they are fair. If we teach him not to harm others he will be a person more appreciated by others and may have a happier life.
But whether we are afraid to put those basic limits as if we exceed them our son will resent.
Are consistent
Children need to rely on our criteria, after all, they instinctively know that they depend on us for their survival and development. They need us to be consistent.
That does not mean that we should never rectify, because as humans we are we can make mistakes and they have the right to be able to apologize or change their minds. But attention, if we think before setting a limit and if we think before saying a "no" less times we will have to reculate.
Consistency must even go beyond this. It is essential that what we say should be done by us. If it doesn't stick, we don't stick. Never. If you don't shout, we will learn not to shout. If you have to listen to others, we have to be good at communicating with other people and, above all, we will listen to them. If one should not make fun of another, insult, verbally attack, underestimate or harm others with our word or attitude, we must be an example of this and apply it with special care to the relationship with children.
Also, in this aspect, it is important that know how to fulfill what you promise what will you do. Well, although children are much more understanding than we are with the failures of those they love, they must be able to trust our word. We must fulfill our commitments with them, if we have to let someone down because we do not reach everything, other than the most vulnerable and most important people in our lives: them.
Playing with them, taking them to the park, reading them a story or watching a movie together are things that must be fulfilled if the children have received the message that we are going to do it, so, if an unforeseen event really arises, they will accept it better, but if Every time we tell them that we will do something together we postpone it for other activities, they will think that we are not trustworthy.
These two things are really important for our children to be happy: Know how to set limits and set the right ones and be as consistent as possible with children. They notice and thank him.
