When parents give birth to a lifeless baby, or when he dies a few days after birth, what they are looking for, what they are trying, what they want, is being able say goodbye properly, with time, and do something that helps them not to forget him, so that he can always remember him in his mind, in his heart, and in a way, in his retina.
Far away are those times when the baby was hiding from the parents to avoid the pain of seeing him (being even worse, because they didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye), and far, I hope, those times when the environment asked them to They will forget as soon as possible, when that is impossible.
To always remind them, so that, despite not forgetting, parents can see them, again and again, whenever they want or need it, the project began "Remember my baby", with volunteer photographers, not for profit, to photograph lifeless babies, with their parents, in professional photo shoots that may always be within reach.
Many parents have done it for a long time.
They are not the first to do something like that, and it is not the first time we have talked about it. A year ago, in fact, we explained the story of a couple who had hired a professional photographer to do a photo shoot with their daughter, who was born lifeless.
At that time, for unknown, for unusual, to many we found it a bit strange, a little gloomy perhaps, and something we probably wouldn't do, but a decision we respected. Now, a year later, we have also seen the project "Now I'm going to sleep", and putting a little on the skin of parents, it seems that it is not so crazy.
And we only see parents hugging a baby to say goodbye, because he will not continue with them. We see life embraced to death, in a totally illogical sequence where those who should have more life, more light, are the ones that are more muted. We see you, there, strangers, giving love to someone who cannot correspond to you. And in a way it hurts, we want to avoid it, and we think that if we were they wouldn't, surely.
But for them it's your baby, the one to whom they have waited so long, that which was going to be part of their lives, with their name, with their clothes, with everything prepared already, and with a life of hopes, illusions and projects in the minds of their parents.
And before something like that, the desire not to say goodbye is so great, so immense, that in the end you decide not to. Because there are many ways to say goodbye, and both goodbye and goodbye "see you later".
We, from the distance, at home, with our children playing, or sleeping, or simply living, we need the "goodbye" of those couples in the photos to their babies. They, however, do not want to. It is more painful, it is always there, but they need to be "see you later", to be able to always remind you, to always be able to see you and give you that little life, or that it is in your hearts, of all that you had to bring for yourself.
About "Remember my baby"
The project was born in the United Kingdom and I have decided to talk about it because I think it is a way to normalize it a bit and if in other countries someone thinks it might be a good idea to do something similar. Remember my baby is a website where photographers who want can join the cause offering their services to families who are having a hard time, but who they need something to hold on to.
The photographers move where they can take the photos (the hospital, at home or the birth center) and there they capture the snapshots on which they will then work. Once they have the final result, parents receive a CD, DVD or USB, or a link on the website to photos with their baby, which can only be accessed with a password.
For those parents who have not been able to enjoy this service, they offer the possibility of retouching some photos that they have been able to take. By sending them two or three images, they commit to work with them to give a more professional and perhaps friendlier, or softer result, from a moment in which the important thing is not to see how the baby was, but how it was, who it was and how it was embraced by its parents.
Undoubtedly, a beautiful, but sad, way to always see him, always keep him in mind, and not only a resource to not forget them, parents, but also families. I hadn't thought about it, but some parents who have done it, despite the initial reluctance, now they appreciate being able to show the photos to others, even their own children, the baby's brothers, who will surely ask sometimes who and what the little brother they had was, but who died.
