A few days ago I was talking with other mothers and fathers (and others who were not yet) about how much people's lives change when they have children and some of those who had not yet released doubted whether the changes were really such, at least as far as the emotional field is concerned.
Then I remembered the story of Katharine Zaleski, a woman who has been manager of The Huffington Post Y The Washington Post and who runs the PowerToFly company, which as a mother saw how her life changed in such a way that she decided to publicly apologize to all mothers who for 25 years had criticized and discriminated against: "I apologize to all the mothers I have worked with".
In a letter that was published on the Fortune page, Zaleski He explained that during all those years he did things that he now regrets as a mother. For example, he said that on one occasion he met with the editor who was managing the Time.com page to make a possible collaboration, bringing him a proposal. When he sat in his office, he saw several photos of his young children and thought that this woman gave herself too much to her family, that it was not a good idea to actually go ahead with the project and that I would never talk to her again.
He also explained that once he criticized a mother who could not stay after work to have a drink with her and her team, to the point of asking what was so important, regardless of that woman had arrived two hours before she work and that the next day she was the one who had no hangover. That it seemed good to him that the possibility of fire a woman because she was about to get pregnant. Or that he scheduled last-minute meetings at 4:30 p.m., without taking into account that those who had children would surely have to go look for them at the nursery, because he felt it was positive that the workers stayed longer at work. although they started at 08:30, when she didn't arrive until 10:30.
So until he had his baby
And the time came when it was her turn to be a mother and a woman. Mother and working woman. In the first week she felt consumed by the expectation of losing her identity, of not being able to be in the office for ten hours and of not being able to stay after work to have a drink.
Being a woman and mother, she had two options: return to work as before and not see her daughter or work less hours and give up the career she had built for so many years. And when he looked at his daughter, he knew he didn't want her to feel trapped by that dilemma too.
He began to read related articles, opinions of successful women and mothers, and saw how difficult it was to work as a man and live as a woman. He began to realize that it was true that "women cannot have everything", and without finding a solution he found a woman, Milena Barry, who had the idea of starting a company in which women could carry out their work from home. Without hesitation, he joined the initiative and this is how they founded PowerToFly, a company that has made it possible for thousands of women to be valued for their abilities and productivity without having to spend the day in an office and then in a bar.
For example, Nedda, who is now a member of the company, went from finding her daughter in her suitcase in an attempt to go with her mother wherever she would always travel to be able to go looking for her at the nursery every afternoon.
So when he found himself in a very different situation, as a mother, Zaleski He said he would have liked, years ago, to have known that it's really the mothers the people you need in your teamBecause he realized that if he wanted something done, it was best to ask a person who was busy.
Why mothers don't have to work as men
He understood that when women work from home they are equally productive. Of course, now you can't talk to them on Skype as many times throughout the day as before, and they don't have a stable schedule, but strive to meet deadlinesThey are motivated and can also know that they are there for their children.
The difference is that spending more hours in the office doesn't always mean you work more, and that is why he currently considers that it is time to break with the established and start thinking otherwise. A new way of conceiving work in which women who want can also be mothers. A new way that makes women support each other so as not to fall into the trap of criticism and to value more than the one who gives everything for work or simply stays up later.
That's why now, working in a different way, you feel more productive than ever, more satisfied and more excited for her future and her daughter's. That's why she decided to explain it and that's why she felt so obliged to apologize for everything she had done when she thought that the best for her future was something else, far from her own motherhood and that of her workers.
The work created by and for men
It seems incredible that in 2016 we remain the same, but it is. Only a little of the light that could cause a change in the new policy that seems to want to take care of children, their parents and ensure more reconciliation between family and work. But we still have to define the lines to follow because much of this progress continues to create more and more nurseries so that the father and mother can continue to make their full day.
I already talked about it almost three years ago in the post "And who takes care of the children?", Because if as a father I feel that we have all been deceived by the current capitalist system and the so exalted work culture, imagine if it was a woman ... and imagine what I think when I hear women say that they want equality, that they want to work like men, that they want to have the same schedules.
No Please. Do not match us. In any case, fight so that we, the men, can match up with you, so as not to have to be out all day, so as not to have to be the secondary actor of paternity and so that taking care of children is also part of our lives.
OR fight for the difference, because the important thing, after all, is not to be equal, but to be aware of the differences, and protect them: protect women's work, protect those who want to take care of their children for a season, so that when they wish they can return to work without having to take a thousand resumes, and protect children from their parents' untimely schedules, that many come home with the key to spend the afternoon alone.
There is a long way to go, but you have to start walking, or our children will go through the same.
