Be a mother and be dad It is a "title" that one does not reach until the baby is born, although it is true that women begin to be before because they know that a small life that will soon arrive will grow inside, and day by day they feel more responsible and care more for having everything ready for that moment.
Until that day, most couple conversations are related to what to buy and prepare, and how the dynamics will be when paternity and maternity leave ends.
And perhaps there is something more important to talk about: the expectations of each, and what they think will happen, because having a child is for a lifetime and there are still parents who think that taking care of their children is their business.
The first month of permission
For a while, the paternity leave is four weeks, and this is a breakthrough because parents can be with the mother and her baby, and avoid something that has always been an obvious problem: the loneliness of the new mothers.
Thanks to these four weeks, parents can know firsthand what the baby's needs are, what their claims are, and what is the involvement they require from their caregivers. In other words, parents can finally see that raising a baby requires many hours of dedication, that tires, and that the last thing a mother has to do, if she needs to rest, is to start doing things at home.
What's more, is that that's what paternity leave is for: It is not for you to take advantage of moving forward in the game of Play, or for you to become a series marathon or go out to see friends. It's for you to make equipment and, if mom is with the baby, you are with the house. And if at some point it is you who stays with the baby, let Mom decide if it is time to take a shower and renew energy around, or go to sleep for a while and renew energies in this other way.
In Babies and more The eternal loneliness of the first-time fatherWhen the permit ends
Once the five weeks of paternity leave pass, most men return to work and Mom is left alone in the face of danger. Because they already know what the subject is about, when they get home they will not ask their partners how it is possible that everything is to be done if they do not work. And so they won't have to answer that they do work, taking care of the babies, but that nobody pays them for it.
And so, the responsible parents approach their wife and their baby, and after giving each one a kiss (I imagine), it is time to ask what is more hurried at home: Do I take it, sleep, and take a shower? ? Do I take it and do something else? I will buy? Do I pick up the dishes? The washing-machine? The clothes?
And if there is nothing urgent, or preferred, they can start with any of those things, to move on to the next, and then the next, until the baby is a little awake and accepts that Dad takes it, tells him little things, and little by little they get to know each other and wanting
Talk before, to get to this
But as I say, to get to this, many times, there must have been a previous conversation in which she and he talk about it. Let them tell you a little about the expectations for the moment when the baby is born, how each one imagines it and what projects or customs they may have to leave to get available time; talk about how they think life will change them, how they think they will react if the child cries a lot, or cries a little, or if he wakes up so much that it starts to affect them in some way during the day ...
And is that speaking helps clarify ideas. To the one who has more information about the two (usually the mother), explain a little how it can be to take care of a baby. It's true that you don't know until you find it, but adaptation is easier if you have the information.
When this conversation does not happen, there are too many times that parents think that taking care of a baby is something of a few weeks, and then it is much easier because they are no longer so dependent and just steal time. Or worse, there are many who think that taking care of the baby is their business. And in these, they keep trying to make their lives as they were before they were parents.
In Babies and more35 things you were not notified before becoming a fatherBut no, being a father is for a lifetime, and the first months, and even years, are very dedicated, because your child needs you. He needs you to take care of him, and to show him that you are more than a man who lives in his own house: the one who promises to have time for his son, dedication, much patience, and a lot of love and love To make him feel loved.
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In Babies and more | Paternity changes the brains of men, The real beneficiaries of paternity leave are children, Prepare for paternity
