When you get pregnant one of the things that may surprise you most is that not everything is joy and hope, there are also fears. In the second pregnancy we assume that, being prepared since we have the experience of the previous one, everything will be more relaxed in this regard. However there are certain very characteristic fears and concerns of second pregnancies. But don't worry, we can put them under control.
It is absolutely normal to have fears in the second pregnancy. It is a myth (that we have been cast) that with the first one is prepared and "vaccinated" for the remains. In fact, for many, many women, the second pregnancy is much more loaded with fears than the first.
Will I love my second child as much as the first? Will my baby be fine? Will the delivery go well? These issues, which are the most frequent, often cause nervousness, anxiety, sadness and sometimes a deep feeling of loneliness. And to make matters worse, maybe even a little shameThis is why I said before: we are supposed to be prepared, so how can I recognize that I am afraid?
Fears have to be faced, if they don't get big
One of the things we do in consultation to work the fears is, precisely, to face them, planting them face and restructuring our thoughts on the matter.
How do you do this? It's not that complicated, believe me. It's about “hunting” exactly what scares us and passes it through the filter of reality, with objective data, so that we neutralize them. What we fear is always worse in our mind than in reality, and it is not always based on real data ... hence restructuring works.
We go with 5 of the most common fears and how we can see them differently. I hope this helps you!
Can I get to love the second as much as the first?
The love we feel for our son is so much, the bond we have is so special that it is hard for us to imagine that we can love another child in the same way. And that makes us feel bad, very bad.
Reality: Most parents who have two or more children always say the same thing, "The love for children is the only thing that, when divided, does not divide, but multiplies". What makes no sense is that we compare: "It is that with the first we were so excited and with this it is different ...". Yes, it will be different, it is logical. Each pregnancy has its own things and of course each child will have their own, their particular characteristics, their personality and their traits, and that is why you will want, both of them, each in their own way, each one for being who they are.
What I can do? If this concerns you especially try to strengthen the bond with your new baby since pregnancy: spend a little time every day to do nothing but touch your belly and feel, talk to him, prepare things for him / her (not inherited from the older brother) ... The day to day when we already have a little one makes the second pregnancy go "faster", that we pay less attention, so we will try to "stay tuned".
Will I be bothering my eldest son's life?
The idea that the arrival of a baby home can break the relationship we have with our eldest son or that leads him to feel displaced is quite painful, right?
Reality: Obviously the situation at home will change, for everyone. But having a little brother, becoming an older brother, not only does not have to be negative for our son, have you thought about the possible advantages? Being “the eldest” will lead you to adopt new roles, acquire new responsibilities, it may help you to work on the tolerance to frustration, to share to be more patient… In addition, you will have a sibling to always count on (although it is true that blood ties are no guarantee of anything ...).
What I can do? It is best to prepare the arrival of the little brother, little by little, making our son a participant. Talk about what will happen when you are born, how things will be, what privileges you will have for being the eldest, etc. Everything that is to eliminate ambiguity will make you feel safe and part of everything, you will not perceive it as "I stay out."
I will not be able to pay the same attention to the second as I gave to the first
Having a child, time escapes us. If with the first one we spend hours and hours playing, stimulating or simply looking at him to smile, with the second the thing gets complicated, and that makes a little sad.
- Reality. Realistically, the truth is that you will have less time to attend to your little one, but there is something you may not have counted on: he has an older brother who will talk to him, play with him, will be his role model, a figure that It will enrich you for sure. Yes, your dedication will be distributed, but you will have an unparalleled source of stimulation.
And if the birth is much worse than the first or is completely different or ... is it just as terrible?
It may be that your first birth was complicated and you were horrified to think about going there again. It might have been regular, but you've already had it, it's already lived. The new, what we do not know, is much more scary, and more when we talk about births ... because surely today you know many more things, and you know more stories (horror, some) than you knew then, right? ?
Reality: The objective reality, the data we have, is that we do not know how childbirth is going to go, so that everything that is "projected" and imagined, and more when what we imagine is horror, only serves to make us feel bad. You don't have a crystal ball, so you better not play fortune tellers, which doesn't do us any good.
What I can do? In this life we cannot control everything and things can happen ... Accepting this is the first step. To calm the fear, think: is it really going to be as horrible as I think? Does it make sense to be afraid so early, if I am not sure that what I fear will happen? Take charge of your delivery: find out everything you need, ask, transmit your doubts to your specialist, prepare your birth plan ... The activity is better than the "runrun" in the head.
What if I can't with both?
The idea of managing day to day with a child plus a baby may surpass us. Can you really (without going crazy)?
- Reality: It is clear that easy, so what is said easy, it will not be. Precisely if we thought that it would be a piece of cake we would have it worse, because it would be a very unrealistic expectation.
- What I can do? It's going to be complicated, but it's probably not as impossible to handle as you imagine. I insist: fears are strong because we tend to put ourselves in the worst, in the worst possible scenario (that of chaos). But reality does not have to be this way, nor are we going to reach it by jumping, but we will adapt gradually. We have to give ourselves that margin, give ourselves an opportunity to go into the new situation, without pressure, calmly, being flexible.
Having fears, many or few, is absolutely normal both in the first pregnancy and in the second. We should not be ashamed of it, more would be missing, but we do have to face them so they don't affect us too much and we can enjoy our new little one.
Photos: Pixabay.com
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