Most parents who have more than one child affirms that he loves all his children equally and tries to always give them the same treatment, without having favorites. As a mother of one daughter I have always wondered if this is quite true, because I can not imagine loving another person as much as I love her. Armando told us a while ago that when more children arrive we should not feel guilty, because love multiplies.
But, Do children really want and treat children equally or is it just a matter of each other's perception? A study was given the task of investigating what really happens.
The birth order of the children
Why do favorite children exist? One of the reasons may be for the order of birth. Regularly It is thought that the eldest son is the favorite by various factors: first, because it was the first that came to the family; and secondly, because being the first to be born he had a "more exclusive" education and they tend to consider him the example to follow in the family.
The popular belief is that the pressure may be greater in older children, but they are also usually the ones who receive greater praise from parents. Or is this just a perception of minor children? The study that I share below tries to clarify it for us.
The perception of each family member
According to this new study, parents may have a penchant for favoring minor children, but that would depend largely on each other's perception: mom, dad and children. This research was carried out with the participation of 300 families made up of father, mother and two teenage children.
Each family member was asked a series of questions to investigate the levels of favoritism that might exist. Parents were asked how close and conflict they had with their children, while teenagers were asked to describe the relationship with their parents. The results showed that in general, the children had greater closeness and in turn, greater conflict with the mothers.
As to the preference for one child or another, the researchers concluded that in reality, this exists in the perception that everyone has about the relationship between parents and children.
For example, if the youngest son feels that he is the favorite and his parents agree, the relationship between them is strengthened. On the contrary, if he did not feel that way, the opposite happened. As for older children, whether or not they consider themselves the favorite, did not affect much in the relationship with their parents.
The researchers consider this to happen because Younger children tend to compare with their older siblings, because they were "the seconds to arrive."
"It's not that the firstborn never think about their brothers compared to themselves, it's just that it's not so active in their daily lives"says Alexander Jensen, one of the authors of the study."My guess is that it's weirder for parents to tell the older brother, 'Why can't you be like your younger brother?' It is more common for the opposite to happen".
This comment reinforces the belief or custom that has to be put to the older brother as the example to follow, therefore It makes a lot of sense for younger brothers to compare themselves with them, because they receive that kind of feedback that make that feeling of comparison prevail between them.
How do we avoid that feeling of favoritism?
The general rule is that we should do it by supporting and treating both children equally, but a comment by the study author suggests another way to solve it:
"Some parents feel they need to treat them the same way. But what I would say is 'No, you need to treat them fairly, but not equitably.' If they focus on what is right to treat them differently because they are different people with different needs, that's fine. "
So perhaps the solution is not to focus so much on treating them exactly the same to all children, because as the author mentions, Each child is a different person, so their needs will be different from those of their siblings. Probably the best approach is one that meets the particular needs of each child and avoids comparative comments from the parents, since no person is equal to another.
Photos | iStock
Via | Independent
In Babies and more | Do you have a favorite child? Science says yes, that it is natural and that you should not feel guilty, are the girls from dad and the boys from mom? Science says it's not always like that
