My eight-month-old girl is going through a very special stage in the development of all babies characterized by deep anxiety when they are separated from their primary attachment figure, usually their mother.
Although sometimes the mother may feel overwhelmed by the constant dependence of the baby, it is a period in which understanding and patience are key. You have to put on the baby's skin to know how can we help our babies overcome separation distress.
For adults it may seem like an oversized fear, but separation anxiety is one of the most significant fears the baby feels throughout his emotional growth. As parents we should not underestimate their fears, but become your protectors so that they can overcome them as well as possible.
Separation anguish manifests itself in exaggerated reactions, usually a heartbroken cry, when loses sight of his mother (or parent, or closest attachment figure).
He is not able to understand that his mother will be back in a moment. He only understands that she, on whom his survival and safety depends, has disappeared. He does not know if he will return or when, he thinks he can lose it. Your mind begins to distinguish protection from insecurity.
It is a contradictory stage, because on the one hand the child begins to enjoy an incipient autonomy, begins to crawl to explore the surrounding environment, but on the other hand it is still completely emotionally dependent.
Naturally, not all children have the same reactions. Much depends on the development of each child and family circumstances in each case.
Some tips to help you overcome separation distress
- 1) Take it with you everywhere:
Some babies are already crawling and are able to go behind their mother crawling around the house. If it isn't, and you still don't have the mobility to follow you everywhere, organize yourself to take the baby with you wherever you go, whether inside the house or outside.
- 2) Leave it in the company of someone to whom you feel linked:
Many mothers work outside the home and it is impossible to take the baby with them. Whenever possible, although the baby will prefer to stay with you, the ideal is to be in charge of a special person for him, with whom he feels emotionally linked. They can be grandparents, uncles, the caretaker or their teacher. A person who "substitutes" the mother during the hours when they cannot be together.
- 3) Say goodbye to the baby when you leave and say hello when you return:
Most likely, the baby will cry when mom leaves and cry again from the anguish contained when she sees her again. This usually happens a lot when we leave the baby in the nursery. He cries when we leave him and cries when we pick him up, but his teacher tells us that he has been very well for the rest of the day.
Something important for the baby not to feel "betrayed" is to say goodbye to him when we leave. If we disappear as if by magic, although in theory we do it so that he does not suffer, this behavior increases his distrust and the child will feel cheated. Although he still can't understand our words, fire him with a "Goodbye honey, mom will come back later."
Also, by greeting him when we return we are marking the end of the separation between the two. A phrase like "Hello honey, mom is back" are words that he will gradually understand and is what he will expect each time you separate. The farewell will be announced and the expected return. And that will feed their trust in you.
- 4) Hide and seek games:
There are games that help the baby to better understand the constancy of the object, that is, although he can't always see it, Mom is always there.
The game is very simple, the famous cu-cu-tras or hide-and-seek game in which the baby's head is covered with a handkerchief (if it is better translucent) and we say something like: “Where is the baby ?, Here it is! ”Covering him and discovering him with the handkerchief.
The same can be done by the mother hiding, either with a handkerchief or for example appearing and disappearing behind a door.
- 5) Talk to him even if he can't see you:
The baby feels tremendously distressed when he loses sight of us, even if we get up for a minute to go to the sink. Does not understand times or distances. But you will feel comforted if at least he hears your voice from a distance.
The advice to say goodbye when you leave and greet him when you return is also valid for these cases, even if you only go to the sink or the kitchen to leave one thing.
A “calm baby, I'm with you”, singing a song or some words that comfort him will make him feel better and understand that even if he can't see her, Mom is there.
I hope these tips are useful for parents how to help the baby overcome separation distress, recommendations that I also apply daily with my baby. And of course, we await your suggestions, questions and comments if your babies are going through this particular stage.
