When a couple decides to have children, they usually have an ideal number in mind. Since always, and as I have commented on other occasions, I have thought that three children would be ideal in my case and in principle that has always been the objective.
There are other couples instead who simply take one or the other path as time goes by. They have a child and wait to see what life has in store and how they take it to decide to have a second. Perhaps they have the second and then decide to wait for the time to pass to take the choice of having a third party or not.
I return to me to explain that I now have two children of five and two years, and it begins to be time to choose whether or not to have another child, more if I consider that Miriam, my wife, has marked the thirty as her deadline to be a mother (and meets them this year).
Have another child?
What a dilemma. I already say that I had always thought of having three, but now I have doubts and I can't decide. I do not want to hurry and it is logical that it is difficult to clarify, because it's a decision that will affect the life of our family forever.
On the one hand I look at everyone and I feel that someone is missing (that third child I have always imagined). Another little being fluttering around the house, a baby who comes to share games and discussions with Jon and Aran, who play a lot, but also discuss a lot, the one that helps the balance to balance and unbalance and the one that makes us feel full as parents , without that lifelong feeling of "well, I would have had another child."
However, on the other hand, the fact that Aran has already ceased to be a baby grants a difficult freedom to refuse. Winter and colds have encrusted us a bit at home, but in the fall and since now we enjoy a lot together doing many activities. We have gone to museums, the theater and activities designed for children (although eye, with patience can also be done with a baby) and above all we have had the ability to offer time to both almost equally: while Aran was more baby, he needed more care and more time and Jon got used to playing more time alone (which is not bad either), although sometimes asking for our presence when we could less care for him.
Now there are more times to devote to both and also more time to devote ourselves. Miriam has resumed some hobby I had out there and I begin to miss going for a run and play sports (my body in the process of oxidation starts to claim me too), as well as having time to take a book and read it peacefully, For example, I haven't done it for years. It is not that all this is going to do it now, because between doing sports, for example, and being with my children I always opt for the latter, but when Aran starts school there will be time for it.
In case of having another child, all this would be extended for three more years and also both Jon and Aran would have to spend a year or two a little in line with the baby's needs, that is not that it is anything serious (I attest, that I am the room of six brothers), but that it is still a reason to consider.
Space and money
On the other hand we have a three-room apartment that begins to enter an obvious state of supersaturation. I advocate calling the patrol "shit the fair" (ourselves doing a historical cleaning), but it seems that nobody supports me. We are at that point where I no longer know where to put things. There are no drawers left, no spaces left and the only solution seems to be to line the walls of closets, dwarfing the living space.
Now that Aran is two years old, we begin to retire baby toys and baby clothes. This makes fit toys destined for more advanced ages, that is, that fit those of Jon, who is already five years old, and also clothes of Jon, since Aran, more or less, is inheriting some (many) little things.
All this means that having another child would mean keeping baby clothes and baby toys and limiting space for other things. On the other hand, we collect with two children and, although there is a third party, I cannot imagine how we would do it. It is also true that I am thinking of putting a baby now and this is not real, because between what you wear and is born a year (minimum) can pass perfectly and at that time many things can happen.
In any case, the space issue is not too decisive, because I say, cleaning patrol, the occasional negotiation and space is made wherever.
Another thing is the economic issue. By own decision we decided to do without the work of one of the two, in this case Miriam's, to be present the first years of our children. We have adapted to this and have managed to weather bad seasons by restricting expenses in a very active way "until further notice." When things have gone better, we have widened the sleeve a bit and we have given ourselves a whim (such as eating out or buying something).
To have another son would increase expenses. As a baby there is not much problem, because there are plenty of clothes, we have the impeccable stroller (and probably would continue to be for a fourth or fifth child, of what little is used) and would drink breast milk like his brothers. However, as this expense grew, it would increase in books, toys, clothes, food, etc.
It would always be possible for Miriam to return to work, but with the situation as it is, it seems that you have to give thanks every morning for continuing to have work, one does not know whether or not to have that hypothetical salary.
Not have another child
I don't know what would happen. Perhaps if I made the decision not to have another child I would relax and simply dedicate myself to putting body and soul to enjoy (and) my children. Perhaps instead I would see my children grow fast (because they grow up) and I would begin to have that feeling that I have already commented that I am missing someone, another smiley face, another little “mamón” (that's what they call them), another source of problems and almost continuous headaches, but another reason to be happy.
Anyway, sooner or later we will have to decide. If I'm still here, in Babies and more, you will find out about the resolution, of course. In the meantime, tell me if this question is around your head. Do you think you have another child?
Photos | Armando Bastida
In Babies and more | The ideal number of children today is two, how many children must be had today? How many children would you have if you had more money? Alícia Adserà: "Having many children is a status symbol", Having only one child
