During pregnancy, there are many things we think and prepare while we wait for the arrival of the great day: the birth of our baby. And although it can also cause some nervousness and fear, with the right and proper preparation and accompaniment, it is certainly a memorable experience.
But what if it is not so and instead of being something special and full of joy it turns out to be a negative experience? Today I share a reflection about when a bad birth cancels your desire to have more children.
Childbirth: a unique and special moment for mom and baby
The birth of a baby (or several, in the case of multiple) It is undoubtedly one of the most important and transcendental moments in the lives of mothers and children. Not only is the end of a great stage of transformation such as pregnancy, but it is also the time when we finally see our baby for the first time.
In Babies and more, what happens to the mind after giving birth? The emotional state of the mother after childbirthIt is that moment in which We finally have the opportunity to have our son in our arms, contemplate his face and feel that, now yes, our life as mothers really began. Some mothers experience the crush immediately, while others feel it as the days go by, which is also completely normal.
And although perhaps our birth is not identical to that experience that we dream or idealize, in most cases we feel happy and calm, because we finally have our baby with us. But nevertheless, Not all women have a positive birth experience.
Let's talk about obstetric violence
Although previously there was no talk about it and there were even those who tried to deny it or say that it was exaggerated by using that term, the truth is that obstetric violence is something real and so many women suffer each year when they have their children.
Some time ago we shared the results of a study conducted in Spain, where one in ten women claimed to have had a traumatic birth. From that study we can mention some figures, which show the reality that some mothers live during the birth of their children:
- 34% of those who had already had a birth had seemed a worse experience than they had in their mind.
- 16% of respondents said they had suffered phases of loss of control.
- Almost 11% had felt helpless.
- More than 6% came to fear for their physical integrity.
- For almost 31% of respondents, their birth did not meet their expectations or their wishes put into the experience.
- Almost 32% say they had no capacity to decide their type of delivery.
- And finally, 36% regret their birth and if they could go back they would choose it differently.
Although these figures may be discouraging, they are better than in previous years, which means that progress has been gradually made to give mothers a human and respected childbirth experience, be it natural birth or caesarean section.
In Babies and more 'Exposing the silence', a photographic project that gives voice to mothers with traumatic birth experiences But still, worldwide cases continue to occur in which medical staff does not give mothers the treatment they deserve, from not respecting their wishes, to saying hurtful phrases or doing procedures without their authorization, such as episiotomies.
When a bad birth cancels your desire to have more children
If this has been your case, first of all, I want to tell you that I'm sorry, that I wish you hadn't gone through that experience and that wherever you are, I hug you. Personally I did not live a birth that would leave me wanting to have more children, although the experience of my caesarean section did have many things that I would do differently or that would change if I could go back in time.
I may not have had such a bad birth, but I do know cases in which a bad birth or postpartum, have left couples without wanting to have another baby. A very close case is that of a cousin, who after a serious complication in the postpartum that put her life at risk, decided with her husband that they would no longer have children.
Although what happened to him is something that does not happen frequently, after that terrifying experience they preferred not to risk going through the same thing. The decision was broken by the rest of the family, but we never insisted, because we respect her and know that her peace of mind is first and foremost. In addition, in health matters and certain complications, as in your case, the reality is that sometimes it is better not to risk.
In Babies and more Mothers who go through an unplanned caesarean section would be more likely to suffer from postpartum depression: study However, if the bad experience you had was related to the treatment by the medical staff, I would like to tell you something: don't let the bad treatment during your delivery end your dream of having more children, if that's what you want. Fortunately, there are doctors and health professionals who give families the respectful and humane treatment they deserve, and although perhaps you had a first bad experience, this does not mean that it will always be that way.
If you feel that a bad birth has canceled your desire to have more childrenThe best thing you can do is inform yourself, seek the support of medical staff that will give you a dignified and friendly treatment, and that can accompany you throughout this process of trying again. And of course, going to therapy, something that regardless of whether you decide to try again or not, will help you to heal those wounds that left you a bad experience.
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