A BREAK IN LOVE IN ADOLESCENCE CAN LEAVE A MARK: HOW TO HELP YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER TO OVERCOME IT

It may seem to you that a Loving disappointment in adolescence It is something unimportant, something that will happen easily, but when you see your son shattered by that relationship that did not work, by that ex who left him, to whom the heart is broken is you. Be clear what can you do to help him and what you should not do If you do not want to close in band is not easy, so here are some tips.

What can you do…

1. Listen to him

If your teenage son comes to you with the intention of speaking, of telling you something, of himself or of the ex in question, please listen to him, at the moment, because it is important.

We spend all of our children's childhood wanting to build a relationship of trust, now we cannot fail at such a delicate moment for them.

It may seem to you that this is something that will happen quickly and ready, the reasons for the rupture may seem like a bullshit, you may not understand or why they were together ... but that doesn't matter right now, what matters is that your son has turned to you, so you have to be available.

And if he doesn't approach you to talk, look for moments alone, without pressure and without forcing it, and try strengthen the trust framework between them so that, if you need it, turn to you.

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2. Respect your emotions, don't question the impact of what happened

When we become adults, we suddenly filter everything that happens in ages before ours and they seem trivialities, little things that are unimportant. But the reality is that when you're that age, they are, and a lot.

For a 4-year-old boy that his new robot breaks it can be a real drama, for one of 12 that his friends do not invite him to a birthday can mean a world ... and a teenager can live a couple break as the end of his , of his world.

So let's try not to see things with the eyes of "adult with mortgage and a lot of problems of the real ones”, If not with the eyes of a father, a mother, who only wants her son to be happy.

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3. Help him strengthen all areas of his life to refloat it

Sadness leads to inactivity, to lock yourself in your room and not wanting to do anything, and that cannot be. In order to be well, we need to do things that give us satisfaction, that make us feel useful, that give us vidilla.

We cannot “let it stop doing” because then its mood will suffer more and more: the less we do, the less we feel like doing… and then we enter a loop that doesn't interest us.

In Babies and more, our teenagers also suffer from depression and anxiety, and it is important to identify them in time to act.

Stay with friends, maintain social relationships, go to your classes, do and practice your hobbies or take care of yourself physically These are things that you will surely stop doing at first, but that it should be taken up little by little.

It may cost you, but tell him that even if he spent a whole afternoon with his friends only disconnect from the pain 15 minutes, they are already 15 minutes earned, it is already a "not bad" time. In addition, the more you do the better you will feel, and those 15 minutes will pass a day to be 25, 45 ...

4. Social networks

Before the Internet era, in the face of a breakup, one suffered when he thought of the loved one who abandoned him, seeing some of his belongings, smelling his perfume ... Today, in addition to all that we can see the social networks of the former in question, what does it do, what does it say ... and who does it with.

Imagine the torture for your son. That is why it is advisable, for them and for anyone who has a break in these times, is to take a break in social networks or at least reduce "consumption / presence" (to many teenagers if you tell them to leave the networks, it gives them a patatús, so nothing to forbid), and / or block the former in question.

Why? Because when they are hurt (when we are hurt) we want to know about each other, and the risk that your son spends the day watching "the Facebook" of his ex, his videos on Musica.ly or analyzing his photos on Instagram, he is tall, and it is no good at all ... rather to become obsessed.

After a while, when the thing has rested, there will be no problem in retaking it, in unlocking it and it may even become good friends ... but that right now is not especially feasible, so that today, now, the 2.0 "of the other" It will only bring discomfort.

Try to avoid ...

When someone who cares about us tells us about a problem or something that makes them feel bad we tend, with good intention, of course, to tell them what they have to do, what is the solution to the problem and / or to tell them about our experiences (in detail, also ).

We do it with the intention of helping, but the reality is that on many occasions he who speaks to us only wants us to listen to him and, possibly, with a little empathy.

Hasn't it ever happened to you to be the one who needs to be heard and hugged, and instead they have told you what you should do? Surely you see it clear if you think about your relationship (it is something I see often in consultation, so no, it does not happen only to you).

If your teenage son comes to talk to you about how he feels, about his ex, or whatever, please avoid:

Downplay: the breakups in these ages can lead to true emotional distress, favors the development of mood disorders such as depression and also increases, according to various studies, the risk of suicide, up to 9.9%, so None of "it's teenage stuff" as if that didn't matter, please.
The temptation of tell you Top 3 of disappointments and loving pains is great, but remember that this it's your moment. If he asks you, if you see that it fits, well, talk about it, but don't come up and monopolize the speech because then you will lose your attention and also feel that you do not listen to him and that you just want to talk.
Criticize your ex. This applies to teenage children as well as when some friends of yours are separated. Repeat with me: I will not criticize the other. I will not criticize the other. As much as the relationship is over, the affections will probably remain there, so it will hurt in your soul to hear you speak ill of your ex. Also, and this will have happened to you, when you criticize someone we care about we tend to get defensive and polarize, and that is just the opposite of what we want with the children, right? On the other hand, if you suddenly see that you criticize your ex, that you did not like, he will feel that you do not approve of his decisions, that you have been deceiving him all this time, and therefore he will stop trusting you. Total disaster.

If time passes and the mood does not improve ...

A break, whether you are 16 or 36 years old, is, emotionally, a process very similar to a duel: After all, you are saying goodbye to both a loved one and a (common) life project, and that is not a small thing.

As duel it is necessary to go through a series of phases that require "to do" and not abandon, talk, leave, love ... But besides all that, a break takes time, so don't expect your son to be like castanets the next day (but if he is, great).

Now, if the weeks pass, if we see that less and less, that the crying does not stop, that there is apathy, sadness ... that does not come out, does not want to leave, that abandons those things that used to fill it, and There is no improvement, go to a professionalSurely it can help you.

Love is wonderful, and ruptures ... painful, at all ages. No one likes to see their children suffer, but thinks that It is one more experience in life, which will help you mature, get to know each other... and to know the kind of people you don't want to be with, for example.

Listen to him, support him, accompany him, without criticism, without judgment, without pressure: there is nothing more delicate than the heart of a teenager. Cheer up!