Carlos González, the well-known pediatrician of whom we have spoken several times in Babies and more, was a few days ago in the Balearic Islands offering conferences and in a previous press conference he offered to the media said some phrases of those that do not surprise those who already know their way of speaking, but that have caused controversy to go Against the current of our society.
I am referring, as you can imagine, to the phrase that serves as the title of this entry, and it is that at a time of his appearance before the press he said that “it is unnatural for children to go to daycare and their parents see them only two or three hours a day". Following these words I have been able to read several reviews on blogs and social networks and, of course, I will take the opportunity to say mine.
If then until age 35 do not leave
The pediatrician also said, after this sentence, the following:
Mothers are separated from their children too soon, when they are not yet prepared, and then those children who have not seen their emotional needs met do not leave home until they are 35 years old.
Well, trying this second sentence first, surely you will all agree with me that it is difficult to establish a causal relationship between the lack of affection at an early age and leaving at an advanced age at home, especially because we live a difficult social and economic reality in which practically 40% of young people are unemployed. Nor that you have had all the love in the world you can leave before the age of 35, because perhaps these young adults can not even leave that age.
Leaving aside the economic issue and if we take into account that young people have a permanent job and the possibility of buying or renting a flat and starting a family, I would almost think that those children with more emotional deficiencies in childhood leave before home.
From my point of view, once a child grows up and sees that what he lacked as a child, that affection he would have wanted to receive more, can receive him outside the home (with his partner), there is no reason to continue extending a mother and father and son relationship that will not improve over time. If you think that with your partner you will be better, if there is no special affection that links you to your parents, why live with them until age 35? It's stupid.
Mind you, I am not talking about families who get along badly or abusive parents, I am simply talking about children who spent very little time with their mother or father for whatever reason, parents who surely undress in many ways because of their children, but families where communication may fail, where there has not been time to develop a relationship of mutual trust and where, once children grow up and mature, it is probably late to fix anything, because when the problems of adolescence come many parents they get in front, instead of next, and that's where a problem that remained latent springs.
Yes, for a child to go to daycare is unnatural
Going to the headline and the phrase that has caused the most commotion, comment that many parents have felt upset because the nurseries are doing a great job with the children and because today they are very necessary, because if not for them many parents would have problems to bring a plate to the table every day. That is, many parents have come to say "they cannot be unnatural because without them I could not be working." However, we all know, and these parents also know, that one thing is to talk about the need of the parents and another very different thing is to talk about the need of the children.
Carlos González has the peculiarity of always talking about babies and children, or so I think. He always tries to give them a voice and when he explains if something is good or bad he doesn't say it thinking about the parents, but thinking about the children. And thinking about them it is clear that the fact that a child goes to a nursery to spend several hours with other children and another caregiver and that he adds two or three hours with his parents is unnatural.
It is because what a child needs is to grow close to their referents, their parents, the people they love and love most, to feel full, loved, loved, heard and understood and so to worry about learning and growing as a person. If instead you have to dedicate time and efforts to try to know if your parents have just abandoned you forever or not, or to call them to come without appearing, or if every morning you cry for separating from them, if you have to be wondering every day If it is important for others, because his parents only spend a minimum time a day with him, the work of developing his self-esteem, his self-confidence and ultimately growing his emotional world will be harder.
But children do very well with other children
Yes, I know that many people insist on affirming that children need to be with other children from an early age to realize that they are not the center of the universe. However, I don't think so, I don't think it's going well with other children if that means stopping being with their parents. Children need their parents more than anything in the world because they are totally dependent beings and independence is not best achieved by staying more alone and there you manage, but being next to patient and loving people who can spend time with you teaching you that is the life, so that you take autonomy (I would say that the parents are the most indicated for this role).
As it is from the age of 3 when children begin to worry about emotions and for themselves and others (in a very early way), it does not make much sense to do that of “do not feel the center of the universe” before , because precisely the fact of feeling important and of believing that everything revolves around them is what makes it possible for them to create a self, of their own image with value, with self-esteem, with security. Then, as they grow and reason more, society is usually responsible for showing them that the world will turn with them and without them.
I do not say, eye, that it is negative that children are with other children. I agree that it is very positive, but between being with children or being with mom or dad, the latter is better. Now, if you tell me to choose between always being with mom or dad without children, or with mom and dad but seeing other children, I vote for the latter. Children who grow up with other children of different ages and with their parents nearby are sure to develop better and have some healthier social relationships that those who have to do themselves because the caretaker of the nursery does not give enough to everyone.
Is it unnatural for children to go to daycare?
So, to conclude and answer the question briefly, take a look at the children the first days of daycare and ask the mothers. Children have a terrible time and mothers too. Many say that it hurts in their soul to leave their child there. Logical, if it were natural or necessary the children would enter happy and happy and mothers would smile when leaving them. As it is unnatural, it hurts.
