Just finished the first quarter of school of my son Aran, three years, I want to explain a little how we have reached the point of leave him every morning and noon the decision to go to school or not and, of course, tell you what opinions we have received from our more or less direct environment.
If some time ago someone told me that he was going to see me every morning asking my three-year-old son if he wants to go to school, he would say "not crazy," that "he would not leave that decision in his hands," however it is and, What is most incredible about the matter is that, respecting their daily decisions, we are all happier.
The adaptation was a disaster
In his day I told you about the adaptation of Aran. The first days were relatively good, considering that he did not arrive very convinced but that he stayed calm after some games. However, a few days later the rules hardened a bit and we were no longer allowed to enter with him to class, being the fastest farewell.
Maybe for this reason or maybe because he soon saw that going to school was a thing that was going for a long time. the subject got worse. He did not want to stay, he entered, but he cried calling us and, despite the hundreds of kisses, hugs and postponing the entrance at the same door, we could not get him to enter happy. The issue was even more dramatic if we consider that it does not stay in the dining room, resulting in two traumatic separations per day.
The poor man must have been having a hard time, because there were evenings that, let's say at 7:00 p.m. or 8:00 p.m., asked if he went to school. He was so disoriented that he thought he would go at any moment. The awakenings were just as horrible: "are we going to school today?" He asked before even opening his eyes. After our "yes" began to cry quite desperately.
At home I paid with us
Then people (and the teacher) began to advise us not to extend the farewell, which was worse, to leave him and leave and of course, one is already moderately tanned in these battles and has a slightly different philosophy of life, so that we decided not to, that that would be worse and that you wanted the thing to get worse still there, because then at home I paid for it with us.
He was nervous, everything seemed wrong, he did the thousand and one and it was enough to say "yes" for him to do "no" and to say "no" to do "yes". We even got to talk to the teacher in case he also had that behavior at school and he played down because "no, no, it's great here", making us understand that we didn't have to do anything special because although it was difficult for him to enter, then it fit well.
However, we were clear that B was a product of A, that is, what happened at home was the result of what happened at school, of staying there where he did not feel safe, of spending hours in a place with people with whom he did not He had confidence (if he had, he would have shown his discomfort there too) and, above all, to see that, although he did not want to, we kept leaving him there every morning and every afternoon. For the first time in his life, his father and mother they had stopped respecting their decision on something important.
Thinking of getting him out of school
So seeing the calico we came to value the possibility of getting him out of school. We could not continue to see our son suffer for going to school with three years to do things that he could quietly do at home. Then we decided to find an intermediate point, in case the thing was "half resolved", taking him only in the morning and thus avoiding the separation of noon.
This gave us a lot of air, and so did he, because he was on his way to school (Miriam went with all three) and Jon stayed in class, but he didn't. She asked him if he wanted to come in and he always answered no. However, in the morning, we took him with greater or lesser fortune but in general better by explaining that in the afternoon, if he did not want to, it was not necessary to go.
Letting you always decide
The thing was improving, in the mornings it entered quite well and in the afternoons he always stayed at home, because he said he did not want to go. Then one morning he got up with a tremendous "NO". He did not want to, was to try to dress him and give up to see him fighting to avoid his pants.
We saw it clearly: “Dad and mom, you let me decide in the afternoon if I want to go to school or not, I see that you take me back into account, that you care about my opinion, that we have regained our relationship of trust… however, what would it happen if I told you that in the morning I don't want to go? And we answered what he wanted to hear: "Ok, Aran, if you don't want to go, don't go," and he relaxed instantly because indeed, that morning he didn't go to school.
That same afternoon Miriam stayed at checkered when upon arriving at school, hoping to receive another one not for an answer, Aran said that he did want to stay (whoever understands you to buy you, usually thinks, but apparently our response was more important for him that the fact of going or not going). The next morning he went smoothly again and in the afternoon he preferred to stay at home.
Various opinions we have received
People who know that Aran was not going to school very well have been very surprised these days by asking "how is school going" because it is usual to receive a "good, now good" or a "still going bad, but well, let's see if things get better soon ”and our answer is“ well, the days you want to go, it goes well ”, answer that we expanded explaining that in the end we have decided leave the decision in your hands.
So, logically, everyone offers us their opinion (it is logical, it is very rare to leave the child the decision to go to school or not ... I myself explained at the beginning that a few years ago I would say "not crazy"), based above all on two truths that seem immutable: "if you let him choose he will never want to go to school" and "the children have to go to school, because I don't feel like going to work either, but I have to go."
Truths that are not so much
They seem immutable, but they are not, because they are not even true at all. If you let them choose it can happen as with Aran: some days he wants to go and others not. Some days it goes and another does not, but most days it does. This last week, in fact, has gone every day tomorrow and three afternoons, always entering happy. That is, from ten class tickets, being able to get rid of ten because he decides when to go and when not to go, he has only avoided two.
It would have been three safe if I wanted to because this Wednesday he also got up with another "NO". We told him that it is okay, that he stay at home, and when I was already calling the elder to leave, Aran suddenly said: "Wait for me, I'm coming too!". Then I armed myself with patience because we were leaving and now we had to dress him running, and as soon as we were we left for school. What uncle, it was clear that he stayed at home and at the last moment he changed his mind ... who has seen him and who sees him.
In reference to the other truth, it is not true that you cannot stay home without going to work. If one morning you wake up with a big "NO", you may not go. Now, most likely there are consequences. If an adult is aware of the problems they may have for not showing up at work, I don't see why they can't stay home on days they don't want to go. But of course, nobody does that because nobody wants to suffer a dismissal, nobody wants to be expedited and nobody likes your boss to sing you forty because that morning, after turning off the alarm clock, you realized that you did not want to go.
Then we extrapolate it to the children and tell them: “you also have to go to school just like I am going to work… I would like not to go, but I can't, I have to go, so do you,” as if they too suffer consequences for not going. But what are the consequences? Are they going to kick him out of school? Are you going to lower the average in the grades and cannot study the career you want?
It's absurd, yes at three years it is not even mandatory to go to school! (until elementary school, in fact, nobody would tell you anything if you didn't go to school for your son) Therefore, I believe that the responsibility of going to work is not comparable with the responsibility of going to school.
You have to go to school happy
In addition, we say that “I don't feel like it either, but I have to go” and it is true, we need a salary at the end of the month, but their food does not depend on whether they go to school or not, so “you have to go to school , even if you don't want to ”is very debatable. He goes to school to learn to be a person, to learn to be with other children and to learn things. Learning is something that is closely linked to the mood. If you have fun, if you get involved and if you receive and live actively the news you will learn them very easily. If instead you feel cheated, hurt, misplaced and are alert to protect and defend yourself, you will hardly learn too much.
That's why I always say that a child has to go happy and motivated to school, or he won't learn too much, and that's why I'm not very worried that my son tells me he doesn't want to go to school and doesn't go. I don't worry because I know that the day he goes he does it because he wants to and not because we force him and for me it is better to go one day motivated than ten crying. And since it also does not go one day, but it goes most days of its own free will, nor do I tell you.
Another lesson from one of my children. I have already lost count.
