I face a very delicate issue and I have doubts about what answer to give:when a post abortion psychological therapy is necessary?
It is something very personal, hardly generalizable, but, accustomed as we are to the pain of natural abortion is denied or the impact of the loss is minimized, I am not sure that the mothers themselves know how to recognize. And it is that abortion has real psychological consequences on women.
Later I would like to complement this post with conversations with experts in the field, because, by contributing their experience and sensitivity, we may, perhaps, be more prepared to face this vital crisis and also, those who are in the environment of mothers who lose a pregnancy, help them and recognize the warning signs that may make it necessary to go to a specialist for post abortion psychological therapy.
Abortion, a vital crisis
Natural abortion is, without a doubt, a vital crisis and a loss that deserves its grieving process.
I have not lost any children but if I know many women who have faced this situation, some in really horrible circumstances, losses in a very advanced pregnancy, perinatal deaths but I also recognize that the pain has no expiration date and have lost a pregnancy even in In the first months it has been an enormous pain that they have overcome, but that has cost them fears, pain, anguish and, in some cases, a depression or recurring thoughts of great restlessness.
A third of pregnancies do not reach term. Natural abortion is natural, it is part of the vital reproductive process, like the seed of a plant that does not germinate. But recognizing that abortion is a normal and quite widespread circumstance does not change pain, nor should it serve to reduce its importance for the woman who goes through this process.
A woman who has an abortion is a mother
A woman who loses a pregnancy is a mother in her heart. He loved his son who was not born from his belly, although he has never seen or hugged him. For her, her son is real, and needs, even if the loss is even in the first months, a grieving process.
If they tell you that it was only a few weeks or better to have an abortion if the child was ill, his pain may be greater. Not recognize the duel, not living it or not being recognized as a person who has the right to suffer and cry, not being recognized as a mother, can cause him the inability to assimilate what happened, live it fully, be aware and overcome, from grieving, the loss.
The environment increases pain with dehumanized treatment
Yes in the hospital the deal is dehumanized in that moment of crisis and trauma this may be greater. We do not know how to comfort in death, much less in the loss of a child or in an early abortion.
I will always remember, when I was about to give birth, to a young woman who was crying, alone, in the room before entering the dilatation rooms. I approached her, and I assure you that I was terrified because my birth was at risk and I feared for the life of my son. She whispered to me, without strength, that she was not afraid of childbirth, that she was there to be provoked because her baby, at six months of pregnancy, was dead. And she was alone, alone, at that moment, as if she could really harm something that her partner or her companion was not at all times by her side. I hugged her and I fear that it was the warmest thing that the strangers with whom she came across gave her at that moment.
Women who have lost an advanced pregnancy suffer the same pain caused by childbirth without the hope of getting to know their baby. They even put them, in some places, in maternity. Some have explained to me that there was an empty cot beside his bed and his roommate was with his son in his arms. I cannot imagine a more suitable situation to drive you crazy with pain if the pain of losing your child has not already made you fall into depression and despair.
I have a friend who went through this. He did not receive kind words, everything was as if he were going to remove a tooth. While in the room with the medication to cause the birth, he wanted to go to the bathroom and there, screaming, he could see how his dead son left his body.
Psychological help to overcome an abortion
In these cases I do not have the slightest doubt that it would be necessary that they be offered not only an affectionate, delicate, conscious treatment of emotional pain, but also, the abortion happened, that this psychological care outside protocol but well oriented.
When the abortion is earlier the penalty exists equally but it seems that, being an early loss, it should be denied and continued with life as if nothing had happened. I don't think that's healthy, even if the woman ruminates her pain alone, even if she is able to deny herself. Offering all women minimal guidance would be necessary. In addition to, as Transi Álvarez recently told us, not to say anything that we will not say if the one who died was the husband.
Postpartum depression is rarely recognized by the mothers themselves. I, who suffered one, was late to understand that what happened to me was not normal and much more to heal. If it were a depression from an early abortion, which nobody recognizes as worthy of such sorrow, I can assume that being able to recognize that help is needed is even more complicated.
In principle, I think it would be convenient to offer women who have a natural abortion, by protocol, a general orientation on the grieving process and explain how and when to recognize that they need that psychological help if they refuse to keep it in that first interview.
Then, scheduling subsequent consultations, that the professional, even the gynecologist, can help you recognize if your emotional state is good, if you may need help.
Recognize the expert who can help us
Of course, whatever the qualification of the expert who offers us help, we should be able to recognize if your messages are not adequate and decide if the expert we have come to can help us.
A person who denies our pain or our right to feel pain is inadequate to help us. A person who explains to us the grieving process, is empathetic, does not judge us, nor infantilize, or blame, or make us feel guilty for suffering, that can help us.
But without a doubt, it is preferable to go to a psychologist with a certain specialization in grief and abortion, to be sure that we will be going to who can really help us. and I say psychologist because I am convinced that in these things a woman can connect better with the experience, although that does not mean that a good male psychologist is a rejectable option.
Terrors, suicidal thoughts, lack of desire to live, inability to maintain a normal life could give us obvious signs that the duel is not being well taken, but also a deep sadness and anxiety crisis, once the initial moments have passed. Never denying pain or grief, never denying that the woman who has had an abortion is a mother who feels she has lost her child.
We will talk more deeply about the need to ask for post abortion psychological help In some cases, I will try to interview experts on this issue, to understand the normal grieving process, to recognize ourselves in it and to be able to give the unborn child a place in our emotional life and in the family, so as not to forget them, but if Overcome your loss.
