One of the best things that happen to you when you are a parent is that you can, in a way, relive childhood, but seeing it from another prism. Something like remembering the times when you were small and did not understand the position or decisions your parents made, or even thought about them, to remember and understand from the other side, and even solve or improve, if possible, the relationship with our son with the reference we have from then.
I'm talking about myself, about being the fourth of six children, about being born more or less when my brother debuted with a major kidney disease that led him to be in hospitals for a long time and when my mother couldn't take care of me and My father did not have much interest in supplying his absence. Therefore, and now I will tell you more about it, I tell you: take advantage and take your children a lot ... or they will end up like me.
Relativizing childhoods
Let's see, things in place. I can't say that my childhood was bad. I had a family that loved me and cared for me, food, a roof and my parents' attention when I needed it. However, in my view, it was not as complete as it could have been. I just said "my parents' attention when I needed it", and therein lies the crux of the matter. I didn't usually require it, because as my mother always says, I didn't make noise even to cry.
My childhood
I complained little, even when I needed something I was able to not ask for not bothering and simply resigning myself to not getting it. I learned and they taught me to be obedient and polite (or what was then considered to be educated, which could be defined as submissive), that the elders are always right, that they talk and the children are silent and all that makes a person, in a way, be annulled at autonomous level.
In addition, there are people to whom a shout, a wake-up call or even a cheek makes them rebel, ask for respect or move forward with more determination, but I was not like that. To me all that made me duck my head more and more, live with the lump in my throat, with fear and drag it all my life.
Asking for forgiveness
My mother has told me more than once. He spent so much time crying for his sick son, so much time thinking about him and fighting for him that he left me a little sideways. Luckily, as he says, I didn't complain. I accepted the lack of mother and father (because my father has never cared for us, but simply came home and rested) as normal, because I did not receive anything else, and now that I am a father, analyzing myself, I have come to tie up some ends .
Lonely and untouchable
Now that I am a father, I see that my children are more extraverted than me, I see that any comment fits much better and I see that, even when my father, his grandfather, reproaches them for something, just as he did with me (I have already told him more than one once he does not do it, enjoy his grandchildren and let me educate them), they listen, do or undo, but they do not bow their heads, that is, they do not take fear, do not fear him and speak to him as to one more.
Why? Well, it's still innate, I don't rule it out, but I like to think that they feel good about themselves, that they have security and that they are able to respond to a comment if they disagree, or let us know what they think about it when there is a problem, and all this thanks to the fact that we have always given them the possibility to express, to speak, to feel one more , regardless of age, size or verbal ability.
Coming back to me, compared to them, was and I'm much more lonely. I am not very skilled with social relations, in fact, I do not feel comfortable on many occasions, I am not very friendly and cannot be said to be a great event organizer. Come on, I'm very comfortable repeating my childhood patterns, mostly alone, maybe to keep going unnoticed as then (my family doesn't count, of course, they are part of me).
And besides being a less social than average person, I'm not too used to contact. Miriam always asks me to do massages and caresses. My children always ask me to massage and caress them before going to sleep. And I, well, I never ask for massages or caresses. One day he asked me: "Wouldn't you like a massage?", And hey, when they gave it to me, I liked it, who didn't, but I grew up with the right contact and now, although I like it, I don't need it . Or rather, I've learned to live without him, and consequently, I do not ask for it and I am also little given, if they do not ask me, to offer them.
Sad no?
Well, that is sad that he has lost the spontaneity of kissing and hugging already as a toddler and it is sad that he no longer seeks contact. Sad because I am rationally aware that the heat of some arms have impressive power. I also grew up without seeing my parents give each other a sad kiss. In our eyes they were like two adults who share space but do not touch each other.
So to avoid that, to prevent them from ending up like me, I take advantage and take a lot of my children, hug them and give them a thousand kisses. They are the cure for many wounds and thanks to them I have broken a few layers of cold ice that would not let me enjoy life. Do the same take advantage and take a lot of your children, do not hesitate to give them much love and so, full of that love and that confidence, full of self-esteem, they will be able to keep healthy social relationships with others and will be able to give and take as many kisses and hugs as they feel (or at least, they will have the basis to be this old).
