"We are wonderful parents, even with our imperfections," we talked to Lucia, my pediatrician

Lucía Galán is the pediatrician that we all would like her to attend to our children: she explains things in an understandable way, resolves all doubts and tells us that we are wonderful mothers.

She is the author of the Lucia blog, my Pediatrician, with more than 15 million visits and awarded the Bitácoras Prize for the best health and scientific innovation blog. Now, he publishes his third book with the publisher Planeta, The Journey of Your Life, in which he discovers, with his experience and sensitivity, facets of motherhood that are not usually spoken of.

In this third book you approach “what they don't tell you about motherhood”, like the postpartum. Do you meet many mothers who are uphill this stage?

Many parents, especially first-timers, are totally lost in those first weeks, which can be very hard. Pediatricians see a lot of mothers in full postpartum because in the first two-three months there are many revisions. I have always been struck by the amount of information and resources for the newborn, but who looks after the new mother and the new father? One does not realize the emotional tsunami that is to have a child until you live and feel it and to me neither in the career nor in the practices nobody told me or explained how to treat these mothers. In fact, personally, when I went through it I felt quite alone.

What is the key to supporting families at this stage?

A lot of empathy. You have to devote most of the query to listen and accompany. Ask parents what they care about, what they need, how we can help them and give advice without making value judgments, without the indoctrination that sometimes distils some comments.

"Pediatricians have to listen more to parents in the consultation"

Why do you tell in your book that perfection is our enemy?

Perfection does not exist in us, it does not exist in our children, in our partners or in our lives. This ideal of perfection, the only thing that generates is a feeling of guilt when you discover that you are not arriving or going to arrive. The level of self-demand and on the part of society is so high that, or we begin to assume that we are wonderful parents even with our imperfections and even without reaching what is expected of us, or we will go with a backpack of guilt dragging throughout the trip.

What would you say to parents who feel guilty because they don't spend enough time with their children?

I would say: calm down, you are doing well. Some days you will arrive, other days you will not. Do not blame yourself. The times you are with your family dedicate them exclusively to them and the time you are away, do not blame yourself. We have to live, we have to work. Nothing happens to do activities outside the fatherhood itself.

"No one has to comment on your way of educating your children"

Nowadays it seems that mothers have to choose a side in the upbringing and endure many criticisms and value judgments, how can we defend ourselves against this?

These things frighten me. It's okay with judgments, it's already good with labels. All this ends with a single word: respect. Do the decisions you make under the roof of your house make you happy? Do they make yours happy? Well, nobody has the right to comment on your way of raising or educating your children. That starts with yourself. We have to set an example to our children by not judging others and we have to put limits on those people who, insistently, get into the kitchen of our houses to see what we do or stop doing. Parents have to make pineapple, not attack.

On the issue of food, we have reached an extreme where you can get green by giving your child a cookie. What opinion do you deserve?

We have moved from one extreme to another. Never talk about food to read thoroughly and with magnifying glass the labels of all the products that enter our house. It is true that we have a serious problem on the table that is one of the highest rates of childhood overweight and obesity in Europe and these figures were not handled before, then something we are doing wrong. You have to do self-criticism. We must give health and food advice in all reviews with the pediatrician. Now, from there to demonize the mothers because they have given their son some sweets on a birthday, either. You have to throw common sense, balance, know very well what foods should not enter the shopping cart, but if one day we are on a terrace and they put a snack on us, do not fuss about it.

Another key issue in "The Journey of Your Life" is the emotional education of children. ¿Why is it so important?

Emotionally balanced people are happier, more resilient, more easily overcome adversities, are more empathetic, more generous, more tolerant ... who does not want this for himself and his children. They have educated us for a society of success, but nobody prepares us for failure, for falls, frustration ... and they are emotions that are also part of our life. We have to educate our children in the whole spectrum of emotions because if they are not going to find lame in the future. However, we must avoid overprotection: we must not try by all means that our son does not fall, what we must try with all our strength is to get up every time.

As a mother, are you relaxed by your profession or does that play against you?

I have gone through all the phases. When I had my first child, I was a pretty hypochondriacal mother. I felt a lot of anguish because I knew more and unconsciously put myself in the worst case scenario and had a very bad time. Now, over the years, I have learned to put things in their place and right now I am a fairly calm and quite passive mother, in fact sometimes I pass.

Finally, since we are in the World Immunization Week, what message would you send to parents who still doubt their vaccination of their children?

Vaccines, along with antibiotics, are one of the greatest advances in current medicine. They save between 2 and 3 million lives every year. As parents we have a great responsibility when we bring a child to the world, which is to guarantee their physical and emotional health and that happens to avoid diseases that can cause death or sequelae for life. I would tell parents to follow the advice of professionals, expert committees and scientific associations and vaccinate their children.

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