SEVEN TIPS FROM A 'NO DRAMA MOM' ON HOW TO EDUCATE OUR CHILDREN

Let the mother raise her hand who has not felt overwhelmed more than once, who has not had to deal with situations that make her mad and sometimes seem insurmountable. Why we adore our children, but we must recognize that motherhood is not always a path of roses.

As our grandparents said, children are not born with a user manual under the arm and We are learning together how to live and educate them to be happy. We each have "our impossible missions". For example, the fights between my children surpass me, having to ask them two hundred times to come to eat without getting an answer, or the little ones' palettes on the street without a ton nor are they. And I know I don't have to scream at them, but it's so hard for me to hold back!

So all the help of others is welcome "expert moms" that serve to pave the way. Therefore, we ask Carmen Osorio, journalist and creator of the blog "I am not a drama mom" who will tell us some of his numerous family tricks, and that he has collected in his first book Mama without dramas. How not to despair with the difficult task of being a mother.

You can be a happy mother

If you do not give your life and there comes a time when you do not know how to organize, you can take a look at the tips Carmen proposes. At least they will help you not to fall into despair, even if you feel exhausted and reach the essentials (because super moms don't exist).

And he knows of what he speaks. She is the mother of three children on earth (and one in heaven) and is expecting her fifth baby. Her feet are very on the ground and her mother's tricks are the ones she uses on a daily basis with her children and has proven that they work. These are a small example that show that you are not alone, that your problems are more common than you think and that it is possible to be a happy mother.

1. Give them freedom, but with limits

Carmen says that she is not especially orderly or maniacal, that she has a certain tolerance for anarchy and chaos, so "In my house there are a few things that I overlook and let my children do and others do not. There are limits and rules."

We can ignore, so that they do not have the feeling that we scold them for everything and thus better understand the negatives:

Jump on the beds. The mattresses last for many years and jumping on the beds is only done when you are small.
Play with plasticine. If they do it in a limited space and it is cleaned well, it is not so much.
Pick up the dishes. Let them set the table or pick up their plates when they finish. All the bad things that can happen is that they break a piece of the dishes. But playing football indoors, no!
Eat alone. For haste and comfort, we tend to give food to children even older. You can help them until the year (it is natural) but as soon as they have a little psychomotor skills, it is good that they learn. Even if they get lost!

2. Get them out to school, without voices

Mornings can become a unique test of maternal patience. You have to get them to get out of bed, have breakfast, brush their teeth, get dressed and leave home in time to get to school on time. And all this, while you manage to go to work or change the shirt that finishes staining the little one when you have taken him in his arms after breakfast.

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Carmen has some tricks for that critical time of day.

Eliminate distractions. Any toy that walks around the room helps them forget that they have to dress. Better hide balls and any object that serves to play a football game, Pokémon cards and everything that seems interesting.
Separate the brothers. When they have an audience, they make more fool and more entertain themselves. If one grows and the others azuzan and that begins to look like a circus, the instigator is sent to his room to get dressed.
Leaving home. You put on your coat, open the house door and call the elevator. It sometimes works because they believe they stay on land.
Tell them things by putting them at your height. The usual thing is that while you just got ready, you give them orders without even looking at them. Stand up, look at your son and tell him things calmly, but firmly. Imagine that your boss tells you to do something while walking to his office. You will probably do other things that you have pending. But if he gets close, he looks you in the face and tells you "We have to do this", you are more likely to get it right away.

3. Do not yell at them, or overload the greatest responsibility

They discuss with each other, call them or tell them twenty times something and keep doing their things, they continue saying “no” to another twenty thousand stories and after gradually raising the tone to pay attention to them (at the beginning in very good ways ) you end up shouting at them. If they seem to be deaf!

But Carmen says it is worth retaining, that ** "When you stop shouting things at them, they become less angry and more receptive." **.

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This mom says no drama, we have to understand that older people have a lot of pressure. In most cases they have to give in, when they have several brothers they acquire more responsibility than when they do not have them, they have to live in times of tantrums of their brothers and sometimes, in the day to day, you do not realize that perhaps loads a lot about them, and if something happens, you automatically ask for explanations from the major.

Carmen says that:

"As soon as I stopped screaming at home: my oldest son became more receptive to everything I said, he started to help more at home, he hugs me much more than before ... He is a child who is very bothered by noise, he gets nervous when his brothers cry or when people shout at a football game. "

But not only children improve. Since she doesn't scream, she admits that she has managed to control certain situations that used to overwhelm her. And the best thing is that no authority is lost:

"If I say it is not no, because there are negotiable things and others that are not. And if there is a behavior that I consider inappropriate I anticipate that, in addition to being something I do not like, it can have consequences, such as staying without going to the park or play a game. The only difference now is the tone we use at home, which makes us all calmer. "

4. Mediate in sibling fights

And not only when they push or give the occasional mamporro, but in disputes to always have and want the same things. Older people get used to giving in when brothers are very young and unable to reason many things. But how far? "It is difficult to be a judge and be fair depending on the needs of each child, without anyone feeling left on the side", explains this large family mother.

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"Alfonso, leave it for a while"Carmen says to her eldest son, "for not hearing protest in the middle, which does so in a very irritating way, crying." Because that 'tactic' works very well for children since babies.

Therefore, when things calm down, you have to teach them to solve conflicts: ask for things please, reach an agreement ... And investigate who is to blame for the disputes, to avoid always taking action with it.

Usually works reward collaboration and good behavior.

Some useful tactics:

Know which situations generate the most fights between them and establish previous rules for when they happen. What is allowed and what is not, and how each child should act concretely in relation to food, games, TV ...
It is important explain that everyone has their own feelings and that you have to take them into account when discussing, and understand the effects that your behavior can have on your brother.
Encourage them to set out your own suggestions to solve the problem. Only if they don't generate ideas, can you propose yours. They have to assimilate that there is always a satisfactory solution for both parties, although both must also yield a little.
Ignore minor disputes. When they discuss each other, you can use the 'countdown' technique: "I count to 30 to solve the conflict: thirty, twenty-nine ...". If it is not resolved, privileges can be withdrawn.
Act immediately in aggressions or degrading insults: in these cases, they are immediately without privileges or rewards.

5. Coping with tantrums

It is not easy to face the palette of a child or baby. It is true that they have a bad time, but what about us, the parents?

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When they have occasional tantrums occasionally, you do not give importance and "You stand". The bad thing is when they enter a stage in which this happens daily, at any time and, on many occasions, they have no apparent cause that justifies it.

What you have to think is that almost all children go through some phase of tantrums, which they don't do on purpose and that it is necessary to pass it yes or yes.

While the time comes, you can count on some resources:

Have a hidden toy, but at hand, so that when the child is in full tantrum, focus their attention to this.
If it doesn't work for you, you can try to go to another room. Yes you, not him, because sending him to another room 'to think', when he is in full tantrum, is mission impossible. Giving orders does not usually work until the storm passes. And if you disappear, it is normal to end up calming down only when because nobody pays attention.

You can also think about the origin of the problem, if it coincides with any change in your life: such as the beginning of daycare and the imminent arrival of a new brother.

Palettes have a reason (or not) and you have to look for the origin of the problem and above all think positive: one day they will end up just like they arrived, suddenly.

6. Punish constructively

On this subject there are whole encyclopedias, but not all tricks work with all children and each family seeks their method to educate correctly, with their own rules. Carmen Osorio proposes some ideas in her book:

Don't punish often Punishing by system will have no effect on the child. Before using the dialogue, to explain what has been done wrong, what should not be done ... If not, the only message we give is that it is punished for hitting the one next to it, but not that it is wrong to do so. There has to be learning so that they understand that acts have consequences.
Choose your battles Decide what things are important and which are not. Because we are not interested in losing energy in certain aspects and in influencing others. We must emphasize what you think is relevant and it must be said that doing it or not will have its consequences. So it's time to make deals that are clear that if they are not met, they will have effects on other things.
Punish proportionally Punishments should never go in a bad tone or belittle the child, or tell him that it is bad, but that his behavior has been incorrect. And, of course, when you punish him, you don't have to overdo it: you have to take into account age and what has been done wrong.
Praise is also necessary It's about extolling some behaviors that you know are costing you, telling you from time to time that you have done very well. If we sometimes correct it and punish it, how can we not praise them or give them a prize on occasion to motivate them to continue doing well?

7. Do the homework alone

It is clear that decisions must be made for them, because they do not yet have criteria. But sometimes we tend to organize things a lot: prepare your soccer kit, organize your backpack ...

"You don't have to be super strict with your tasks, but be clear when you have to do them. Each family will have their priorities, but it is good for them (and for parents), to give them autonomy."

This is understood by the author of the blog 'I am not a drama mom', which explains that: "For example, if they are very tired, I don't force them to set the table."

In addition, each child is different but if things are repeated, they tend to do it: pick up their room, prepare their clothes ... Carmen clearly has it that adds:

"We usually do it for convenience, to take less, but they are very autonomous and are more prepared than we think. Better that since they were little they begin to do it."

What they have to understand is that there are rules and they must be respected: "If you don't pick up the toys you won't be able to go to the park."

Carmen Osorio ends up insisting on the idea that with children "You don't have to start the battles you don't want to get into, because they aren't worth it, like stripping because they put on the clothes you want instead of the one they choose."

Perhaps the secret is perhaps to stand firm on the points that we believe are essential and be more permissive in which we believe we can pass. That is, they stick in school, inadmissible: it is serious and you have to stand firm and punish them for not making a certain plan. But if you want to go in tracksuit on a Sunday, do so: let's save the energy for other more relevant topics.

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