The seven things of motherhood that are not as they were told to me

Before becoming a mother, I never had an idealized image of motherhood. In fact, I don't remember even having any expectations about it. Simply I dreamed of being a mom and doing my best, no goals and no models to look at; Just following my own instinct. This was more than ten years ago.

At that time, I was a devourer of books and magazines about motherhood and parenting, and what I do remember is how much some of the photographs I saw impacted meWell, some time later, with my baby in my arms, I realized how little those images looked like what I was living.

Today I wanted to reflect on it, and I invite you to do the same to you. I tell you what are the things about motherhood that are not as I saw or were told.

The positive does not always come when one wishes

Before motherhood came into my plans, I thought that when the time came, it would be "sewing and singing," as they say popularly. That is, I was convinced that when my partner and I decided to look for a pregnancy, we would achieve it the following month of trying.

And it is common to hear women who tell you how quickly they got pregnant and how easy it was, but few explain how much it cost them. In Babies and more Infertility, a disease that affects both physically and psychologically

So when the months went by and the positive did not come, frustration and sadness invaded me, because when I yearn for something so strongly, the passage of time can become desperate.

Getting pregnant with my first child took us three years, and although it is true that my other two little ones arrived very fast, I also think that it is necessary to make visible that it does not always happen that way, so that the couples who are in the search and do not get it so easily, do not feel hopeless.

Sometimes there are problems behind this infertility that require a study and / or medical intervention, but on other occasions, if the woman is under 35 years of age, it is considered normal until one year of searching.

Pregnancy is not always an idyllic stage

A radiant-looking woman, stroking her belly and with a smile that floods her face. This is the most repeated image every time we consult a magazine, website or book about pregnancy. However, it was not what I felt.

There is no doubt that it is wonderful to create a life, but it's not always easy to cope with those nine months. Personally, I have carried the heavy emotional backpack of having suffered several gestational losses, to which heparin injections were added daily, a hormonal sway that they did of theirs on many occasions, and a hyperemesis gravidarum with which I had to deal with the Pregnancy of my second daughter.

There is no doubt that each pregnant woman lives this stage in a different way, but I think it is important that those who have not had the luck to enjoy an idyllic pregnancy can also talk about it without taboos, because when you go through this experience you can get to feel really misunderstood.

Caesarean section is not the "easy way"

There is rarely talk of caesarean section and how hard it can be for a woman to go through this situation. Because although there are people who still believe it, caesarean section is not the easy way.

We all dream of a natural birth accompanied by our partner, and with the moment we look at our baby for the first time while we support him on the chest.

But what happens to women who go through a C-section? Well, although more and more hospitals are carrying out the practice of humanized caesarean sections, unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way, and the idyllic moment we imagined can become a devastating experience.

And that's when you realize that despite the comments and beliefs of some people, caesarean section is not, by far, the easy solution.

Breastfeeding can lead to difficulties

Breastfeeding your baby is the most natural act that exists. All mammalian offspring do it, why weren't human beings going to be the same? This logical argument resonated in my head during pregnancy, and was entrenched with images of nursing mothers smiling and carefree while their babies suckled with a gentle gesture.

But nobody tells you that breastfeeding may not be easy. No one explains to you what are the pearls of milk, and how much they hurt, how terrible it is to suffer a mastitis, the sacrifice of breastfeeding an allergic baby, or how much you can get to cry for impotence and pain.

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So no; Breastfeeding is not always as pretty and easy as they paint it, and mothers who have had difficulties should make it visible to raise awareness among other women about the importance of being informed, seeking advice and, above all, showing them that they are not alone.

"Ideal children" do not exist

We all know that babies are not born with instruction manual, and that children are not robots that we can program or turn off when things get complicated. But judging by the images we see on social networks, we might think that it really is.

There is an image of "ideal child" that is usually taken. It's about a baby who only eats and sleeps, that as it grows it assimilates quickly the norms of education and conduct, that does not explode in tears, - and if it does it is easily consolable -, that nothing is left on the plate and always looks unpolluted.

But the real boy is not like that. The real boy explodes in tantrums when we least imagine him, he doesn't sleep the night of the pull, and most likely he doesn't like vegetables or even goes through stages where he refuses to eat. It can also be difficult to change his diaper, dress him with that little model that we like so much, and the most normal thing is to stain his clothes as soon as he leaves the house.

Children are unpredictable, spontaneous, direct, vital, active ... but their behavior can also overwhelm us occasionally. That is why I consider it essential to become parents, to be aware that children are people in formation who are not born with the social norms learned, and that require responsible education and involvement.

Educating and raising is exhausting

And since "ideal children" do not exist, it is important know how to educate them with love, patience, empathy and respect, because only then will we get respectful adults tomorrow.

Educating and raising a child in a respectful, positive and conscious way is not easy. There may be exhausting moments in which we feel that we can no longer, that we do not have all the time we would like to give them, or even that our way of educating does not offer the short-term results that we would like so much.

But it is essential not to give up and seek support and advice when we need it. Let us not forget that in our hands we have the generation of the future, and that our children need our time and our involvement.

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Which really implies love for a child

It is common to hear that love for a child is the greatest thing that exists, but the truth is that until you become a mother / father you don't really know what it means, and all that that pure and infinite love entails.

There is a phrase from a song that I love, and that perfectly sums up this powerful feeling: "You cut yourself and I am the one who bleeds." How true in so few words!

To love a child is to feel immensely happy when he is well, and to want time to stop when his smiles and his carelessness flood everything. But nobody tells you how much you suffer when your baby first gets sick, what you get to miss his cries of joy when he has been sick and dull for days, and how much his heart hurts when you look sad for something that has happened to him and you don't know how to help him.

Nor does anyone explain the concept of "time passing" when you have a child. Because yes, it is common to hear that of "Enjoy it while baby, time flies", but what is really behind all that?

Well, there is a dull and sharp pain that oppresses your soul to see that your baby is gone, but also an indescribable illusion to continue fulfilling stages at his side ... In short, a mixture of feelings impossible to describe with words.

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Even with its lights and its shadows, with what they tell you and expect, and what you discover over time ... how complex, exciting and wonderful is this of motherhood!

Photos | iStock, Pixabay

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