In a matter of days, all Spanish children will have returned to the classroom and the routine will be re-established in all homes. Although there are many families who prefer the tranquility that order and routine brings to their daily lives, the truth is that for others, the beginning of school is an added stress, because they must combine their work schedules with those of the school, extracurriculars, tutoring and other household chores.
How to find the balance so that much demand does not end up leading to physical and mental stress difficult to carry? We have spoken with Ana Asensio, a doctor in Neuroscience, a child psychologist and author of Lives in Positive. From his training and experience, he has offered us a series of tips to get the most out of the routine and face the end of the holidays in a relaxed and positive way.
Bed children early
According to the expert, this would be one of the first premises that we must carry out with the return to the routine. Not only because putting the children to bed early helps them be well rested and perform more the next day at school, but because This sleep routine gives parents a valuable time of tranquility:
"When children sleep, it is important take advantage of that space to dedicate it to us or the couple: chat about the day, disconnect, enjoy the silence, watch a movie or do what we want is essential for our well-being "
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Each one should organize the time as he sees fit, but it is essential to do so with the objective of find moments for oneself and for the couple, that allow us to disconnect from the day we had; of potholes, problems or stress situations.
There are those who take advantage when children sleep, as just mentioned, to look for quality moments with the couple. Communicating, sharing the experiences of the day and enjoying each other's company is very important for the emotional health of the family and for ourselves.
But we must also reserve time for ourselves, and to do what we like most: from dancing or reading, to taking a course that we are passionate about or an excursion that renews our energies. Also the practice of physical exercise is an excellent way to reconnect with ourselves, while exercising our body and our mind:
"The intellectual cultivation and psychological or spiritual cultivation are very healthy to reconnect, feel again who we are when we get lost, recharge the battery and be able to continue giving and offering the world everything wonderful in us "- Ana Asensio reminds us.
In Babies and more Self-care is not always enough to compensate for the exhaustion experienced by many mothersBut taking care of ourselves and taking time is not always enough to get out of the spiral of stress and anxiety that can generate us day by day. That is why Ana insists on the importance of going to therapy when we need it, in order to free ourselves from the burden we carry and heal:
"Clearing the mind is a must for all people. Sometimes therapy can help us, or have a coah or an emotional and / or sports coach. It is very healing and liberating to have a professional space to express yourself and expand. Find your Zen moments, spaces of outer peace and order to find that inner peace. Anything that relaxes can help you, but you can also practice meditation, yoga retreats and / or mindfulness. "
Rest of mobile devices
In most cases, the mobile phone is one more work tool, associated with mails, messages and calls that can generate a lot of stress. Therefore, Dr. Asensio recommends that we disconnect from this type of device when we get home, so we can relax and find quality time with those around us.
Don't shout, stop, listen and learn to say NO
Sometimes, the maelstrom of everyday life, haste and stress end up making such a dent in us that we go through life screaming and not really listening to those around us. Therefore, the expert advises us stop occasionally, observe, stop shouting, complain less and listen more.
"Watching from tranquility and listening with your ears wide open is a great way to tune in to everything around us, to check how is our home and our family, and if everything is following the course we want. "
"Why becoming aware of how we think and act will guide us towards the path we must follow, with a positive and realistic attitude that allows us to live the present and adapt to the circumstances that come and go "
But having a positive attitude towards life does not mean not knowing how to say NO. In fact, Ana insists on importance of knowing how to set limits, prioritize and be selective when choosing what we should do.
In this sense, we must also become aware of the language we use, banishing a negative language or with harmful connotations for our self-esteem (although we are not aware of it), by other expressions that empower us and grant us freedom. For example: instead of saying "I don't have time now" or "I can't do it", replace it with "it's not my priority to do it now" or "I have decided not to do it".
Thanks for the day you had
At the end of the day, the expert advises us do an exercise of gratitude for everything we have experienced during the day:
"The feeling of gratitude generates endorphins and helps us to the synthesis of serotonin, which are responsible for our chemical well-being and happiness.""Surely your day is full of stressful things: a boss, a pressing report, a complaint, a couple's argument, a child tantrum ... but I bet that there are also many things that we can thank, such as that song that they have put on the radio and that we like so much, that television series that I enjoy so much, the delicious food that I had with a coworker, the reconciling whatsapp of affection with our partner, that dress that we signed for our next purchase, or that kiss of your children to see you in the afternoon. "
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And in line with the above, Ana reminds us of the importance of focusing our thoughts on the positive aspects of our lives, or even laugh at those situations that have overwhelmed us at any given time.
"If several contingencies come together in the same afternoon, before fantasizing about taking a plane to Cuba and leaving alone, try laughing at the surrealism of the movie of your life at that time. That will help you to dramatize the moments of tension, and understand that what is happening is punctual and will happen. "
Focusing on the positive of life is easier if we are surrounded by positive people who help us. In fact, the expert reminds us that there are studies that reveal that we are infected with the attitude of those around us, so let's look for friends with positive attitudes towards life!
Fall in love with your life
Also closely related to what we just mentioned, this important point stands out. And they are too many times when we would like to have a different life than the one we lead, either because we feel that the problems overwhelm us, or because we are in a stage of our maternity / paternity especially absorbent:
Before these dilemmas that we all end up going through at one time or another, Dr. Asensio recommends us to re-tune and fall in love with our current life, because with the complaint we tend to overlook a lot of positive things around us:
"Everything happens, because the good thing is that the resilience of the human being and the capacity to adapt and grow are very large and make us evolve as people. Maybe your life seems like chaos to you right now, and even full madness of uncertainty, but if you stop to think about it, you will see that love, life and fullness overflows on all sides and that what overwhelms you today, tomorrow will pass "
I am the mother / father I want to be
It is no secret that what we get to see on social networks can greatly reduce our self-esteem as parents. Feeling that we are not doing well because we do not educate our children as the influencer of the moment does, always want to look just as perfect as the mother we follow on Instagram, or pretend that our children behave just like the youtubers family which we admire, can end up hurting us a lot.
That's why Ana advises us create our own mother or father modelWell, there is no single or perfect model.
"It is not more perfect or better mother who works and earns money, that the one that does not work and is dedicated to the home, nor the one that goes to school to look for the children, or the one that makes a thousand gifts and plans… Each mother is unique and must learn to adapt to her personal circumstances. Children always perceive the love and occupation of their mothers, even though they cannot be physically together all the time. "
In Babies and moreNone is better than another: let's stop competing and comparing mothers who stay at home with mothers who go to work"If your mother's style is hardworking, very busy, but you spend the weekend or evenings enjoying your family in a relaxed, happy and loving way, congratulations! And if your mother's model is not to work outside home, and always be with the children enjoying that moment, congratulations too! Everything has its advantages. Children need to see us happy, that's very important "
Organize your time realistically
We have already talked on occasion about the importance of organizing our time in the most effective way possible to get scratches a few minutes a day and dedicate them to what we love most. In this sense, Ana recommends us to make daily or weekly listings where to write down the things we should / want to do:
"We must write down in our activity agenda everything we want or have to do in a week, but knowing find the balance between meeting our obligations, and being happy living a full and quality life
"I always recommend not to overtighten the agenda, and organize our time realistically. For example, it is better to leave empty gaps because we know that unforeseen children can always arise"
Even so, the expert reminds us that it is impossible to reach everything and that we should not aspire to perfection:
"It is normal to go through phases in which we feel that we do not reach everything and that we are not able to do anything right; neither as a mother, nor as a couple, nor as a worker, nor as a friend. Breathe calm and prioritize, and think what you have achieved today is already perfect "Learn to live with uncertainty
There are many people who like to have everything under control; It makes them feel good and gives them security. But life, and especially when we become parents, is loaded with uncertainty and chaos, so we have no choice but to trust and live every day in the best possible way.
"Confidence will cause us not to think beyond whether our work will last or not, if our children will grow healthy or not, if our relationship will endure or not ... It is best to live every day and surrender to him with the greatest love, maturity and understanding you can "- advises Dr. Asensio.
In Babies and more Learn to live with them and nine other tips from a mother who fights anxiety and depressionIn addition, Ana reminds us that life is full of little daily challenges that far from demotivating or distressing us, we should experience as a new adventure that will make us stronger and give our lives more meaning:
"Life is a small daily challenge. Today, suddenly, our refrigerator breaks, the girl who helps us at home tells us to leave, our son gets sick and our partner tells us that he has to leave on a work trip But it is essential that we face these small vicissitudes as daily challenges that we must overcome and that will make us stronger "
Delegate or ask for help
And in these moments when anxiety seems to devour us, Ana Asensio reminds us of the importance of learning to delegate and ask for help, especially in the case of mothers, since it is something that usually costs us a lot to do:
Returning to the routine after the summer holidays is not always easy, but with these tips of life we hope that the return to normalcy will be more bearable, and help us to face our days with optimism and vitality."Remember that you are not a super woman or you should not want to be, because the cost is very high. It turns out assertive, intelligent, very useful and very good for everyone to ask for help from our environment. If you turn to family members, think that they will be happy to lend you a hand, and to participate in the care of your children. And if you turn to external help such as caregivers, nursery schools, extracurricular schools ... rest assured that your children will be fine, and it will help you to save time and finish those pending things that overwhelm you so much. "
Photos | iStock
Acknowledgments | Ana Asensio, author of Lives in Positive.
